


The Leader

by The_Order



Category: RWBY
Genre: Bad Parenting, Character Study, F/F, Found Family, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Mostly Canon Compliant, Pretending, Responsibility, it's okay to not be okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 39,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26180803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Order/pseuds/The_Order
Summary: Set two nights after the Battle of Haven.Ruby is the glue that holds them all together. She's the one that assures Teams RWBY and JN_R that, in the end, everything is going to be okay. She's their leader, their friend, their inspiration...She's Weiss's best friend. Ruby Rose is the person Weiss thought of all those cold, lonely, bitter nights in Atlas. She's the one who Weiss ran to on the night Beacon Fell.Weiss has been through so much, Yang and Blake have been through so much. Jaune, Nora, and Ren lost a member of their team. Ruby has to be there for them, she needs to help them! Her own problems can wait.orIt's so easy to forget that Ruby is just as human as the rest of them, so easy that Ruby herself forgets it from time to time. When you are the person who everyone turns to for help, who helps you?In which Ruby doesn't know how to help herself and Weiss has to remind her that she matters just as much as the rest of them.
Relationships: Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee
Comments: 29
Kudos: 240





	1. Our Triumphs...

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be shoooooooooort!

Dinner was as loud and cacophonous as ever. Everyone was bustling around the kitchen, the clanking of silverware on ceramic as loud as thunderstrikes and the dull roar of conversation filling what little quiet was left as everyone queued up to the pot of steaming noodles that rested on the stove, giving off a relaxing aura of warmth. 

Were there not a number of _very_ hungry huntsmen and huntresses waiting their turn, Weiss might have taken a moment to bask in the heat. As it was, though, she just shouldered the temptation and spooned a conservative helping of broth and noodles into her bowl. She could hoard a lot of things, but food wasn’t one of them. 

And thank the Brothers for that, the last thing they needed was _another_ food-sucking black hole in the safehouse. She doubted they could stock the pantry fast enough to keep up, a food shortage would surely follow. Weiss had seen Hangry-Yang once before, and it was not an experience she thought she could survive twice.

That, coupled with Ruby’s ability to suck down food, Jaune’s appetite, and Nora’s...gods, Weiss didn’t even have a word to describe how much food Nora ate. Even with as much as that girl worked out, she must metabolize like a Nuclear Submarine. Even considering the already high caloric intake their lives necessitated, the amount of food they all burned through was tremendous. It took a logistical miracle to keep everyone fed. The perfect orchestra of meal plans and regular, efficient trips to the market. Weiss was quite proud of it.

Weiss did her best to suppress a smile as she walked into the dining room. Jaune was squeezing between the table and the wall, and Ruby was right behind him. Ever-so-slowly was he moving, doing his best not to spill the near-overflowing bowl of broth. Poor Ruby was practically bouncing up and down behind him with impatience, it was a miracle her own bowl wasn’t sloshing all over the place. Though Weiss could appreciate Jaune trying his best to avoid a mess, she had also come to accept that patience was _not_ among Ruby’s virtues, outside of missions anyway. Doubly so when food was concerned.

It was baffling, too. If you put Ruby behind her rifle, she could sit in the same spot for hours without twitching a muscle, but the second Crescent Rose was folded and on her back, _nothing_ happened fast enough for Ruby. It was one of the many things Weiss had come to accept about her partner. After so long apart, the quirk was rather endearing.

Weiss was about to urge the boy to hurry up before Ruby solved the issue herself, squeezing into the ever-tight space between Jaune and the wall to wiggle to her seat. Her open mouth pressed into a thin line to suppress the laugh she could feel bubbling up at the sight. She shook her head, it was such a completely unnecessary effort that _maybe_ saved Ruby an extra three or four seconds, but it was such a _Ruby_ thing to do. It was hard not to smile at it.

She did her best to maintain some level of dignity as she made her own way to the table, dancing around chair legs and avoiding bashing her hips on the corner of the dining table. All the while keeping an eye on the level of broth in her bowl. While she wasn’t as much at risk of spilling as the two team leaders (she had an inch of buffer space between her broth and the lip of the bowl, whereas they only had a few meager millimeters), it was often when you let down your guard that you made mistakes. The last thing she needed was to spill soup all over her dress, she’s already lost one this week.

...Such a shame, she’d liked that dress. Now there was a hole going through the midriff, and the cloth around it all stained.

Weiss faltered, the arm bearing her bowl shook for just a moment, the steaming liquid sloshing against the sides. She sucked in a breath and stilled, anxiety shooting high as she watched the soup settle. After a moment without a drop spilling, she exhaled. Crisis averted.

Pushing the memory aside like so many suds in a bath, Weiss set her bowl down at her seat. With her right hand, she set down the cup of melon juice and the set of silverware she had been carrying.

It really didn’t bother her all that much, her injury. Sure, it had been scary at the time, but she survived and, thanks to Jaune’s semblance, didn’t even have to wait through the healing process. Now, it was just a dull ache in her side. If she thought about it too hard, she could still feel a sort of phantom pain, the memory of Cinder’s spear, but other than that...Weiss found herself remarkably unshaken by the whole affair. 

_The Geist in her Grandfather’s armor, that shining silhouette Weiss had looked up to as a child, bore down on her. “A test” is what her father had told her, something to prove she could handle herself away from home, at Beacon._

_“A test”, she could have spat the words had she said them aloud. Against an_ Arma Gigas _, a Geist possessing a weapon, one of the most dangerous variations of the Grimm. The kind of beast a_ Team _of huntsmen would be sent to deal with._

_She was_ **_seventeen_ ** _._

_Frustration bubbled in her chest as she dodged swings of the monster’s stolen sword, the missed attacks cleaving marble and granite architecture as if it were butter. She’d thought, even as her “test” was revealed, that she would impress. That she would dance around the lumbering beast and tear it down for_ daring _to wear the likeness of her grandfather’s armor._

_But as the sword swung faster and faster, and the Arma Gigas’s unnatural speed became more and more evident, she grew increasingly unsure._

_Perhaps she was wrong? Maybe she couldn’t handle this, maybe she wasn’t strong enough to defeat the Grimm, to last at Beacon. Doubt filled her as she focused in on it’s sword._

_And she’d made a mistake._

_Eyes locked on the Arma Gigas’s weapon, she’d forgotten that the_ **_all_ ** _of the Arma Gigas was a weapon, not just the sword. It’s fist tore through her aura, splitting her skin and giving her a scar she would carry for the rest of her life, marking her as imperfect in the one place she could never hide: her face._

_And in the instant her body hit the ground, before anger filled her heart and sent her back into the fight with twice the ferocity, she had realized the truth. This was no test, this was not to see if she could make it at Beacon. No, she was_ **_meant_ ** _to fail this test, so that her father would have a reason to hold her back, to keep her in Atlas, under his realm of control._

_This wasn’t a test, this was a_ **_trap_ ** _._

Weiss glanced down at her stomach, where she knew the scar lay beneath the fabric of her dress. She could feel the scar tissue on her face, the ‘different’ feeling around her left eye that she had grown used to, turned into something normal. She’d _long_ since stopped feeling ashamed of her scar, but the sting of that realization, that her own father had put her in real, mortal danger to try and keep her home, keep her controlled...it was strangely refreshing to have a scar that was simply physical.

Because, for as physically traumatic as the Battle of Haven was, her wound was the result of a spear and nothing else. It wasn’t the physical parallel of a gouge scored on her heart, there were no dark, heavy memories tied to it, no personal betrayals. It was just...a wound. The most she could worry over it was that it marked a mistake. She should have been more aware, should have kept her head on a swivel despite her fight with Vernal. She _should_ have seen Cinder disengaging Jaune to take a cheap shot at her.

But, she couldn’t be perfect. No one could.

A fond sort of warmth flooded her, Ruby had taught her that.

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

...Speaking of Ruby.

The dolt was currently kicking her chair leg to try and scoot it out from under the table.

Weiss watched her for a second, simultaneously dumbfounded and amused at Ruby’s unorthodox solution to a problem that wasn’t really even a problem. Instead of holding her silverware in the same hand she held her cup like Weiss had, Ruby had stuck her spoon and fork into her mouth. With both hands full, Ruby had presumably concluded that the only course of action to take her seat was to try and kick her chair out from under the table. On the sixth kick, Weiss had enough. She shoved down the laughter bubbling happily in her chest, all thoughts of her blood-family gone for now, and did her best to sound like herself, “Put down your things and use your hands, you oaf!”

Even as she tried to school her face into something stern, she couldn’t help the slight quirk of her lips that slipped through.

Ruby’s eyes snapped up, focused furrow to her brow disappearing in favor of allowing silver eyes to open wide and meet Weiss’s. Ruby’s eyes flicked across Weiss’s face, then down to the table and back to Weiss. Realization flashed through her eyes and a smile split her face, silvery steel flashing between white teeth for a moment. “Ohh, duh. Soffry, Weish!” Ruby spoke through her silverware.

As her partner set down her bowl and pulled out her chair like a civilized human being, Weiss wondered if it counted as ‘talking with your mouth full’ if your mouth wasn’t full of food.

As everyone (sans Qrow, who preferred to take his meals alone) piled in one after another, the din of conversation followed with them. Weiss didn’t mind though. She often complained after she moved to Vale whenever teams RWBY and JNPR were unnecessarily loud, often sought out quiet spaces and relished her time alone in the dorm room or library unless she was in one of her rare social moods.

Six months back in Atlas, though...The quiet had been crushing. While the sound of eight people’s voices crammed into a relatively small (for Weiss) dining room wasn’t exactly pleasant on the ears, it served as a constant reminder that Weiss was back with her family.

The family that she chose.

Both teams chatted amicably about everything and nothing. Weiss herself was content to simply enjoy her food and soak in the comfortable atmosphere in the room. Spooling up a healthy forkfull of noodles, Weiss took a bite and luxurated in the taste. Ren’s cooking was impeccable as ever, though Weiss added just a dash of black pepper to hers. Her second bite was as close to perfect as she was willing to try for. As the meal drug on, the conversations shifted and changed like the water in a river. Familiarity making the meal easy.

Well, for the most part.

For as quiet as she was and as aloof as she pretended to be back at Beacon, Blake had always been quietly eager to be involved in Teams RWBY and JNPR’s antics. Even if she were talking over the top of a book with a disinterested frown on her face or lingering in the background of some prank or silly competition...well...

Blake didn’t get catty when she was annoyed. She was never passive-aggressive or meek. If she didn’t want to do something, you would _know_ it. Weiss had seen her genuinely angry enough times to know that. The aloof reluctance she showed whenever Yang took her arm to drag her off on some grand adventure or Sun popped in through their window to invite them all out for ramen was (mostly) just pomp. For as much as she pretended to not want to be a part of the group, as much as she acted like she was being dragooned into participating in their conversations, she was still always _there_ , active.

And right now, Blake was far from that.

On the outside, well, she looked almost like Weiss. Her posture was impeccable, she ate deliberately and with proper attention to etiquette. The picture of a polite dinner guest.

Which was the problem.

When Blake was comfortable, she filled a space like half her skeleton was liquid. Slumped on a chair with a book in her lap and her legs folded up under her, or asleep curled into a ball in a way Weiss was _sure_ couldn’t be good for your back. She was always deliberate and polite when she ate, but had a tendency to hunch over her food and expressly savour it. Weiss had always tried not to wonder why Blake ate like she’d gone hungry before.

She knew what Blake looked like when she was comfortable. When she was with her Team. This was not that. She looked like a guest who had been invited over, like she thought _herself_ a guest who had been invited over.

Weiss chalked it up to her having only just brought her things to the safehouse yesterday, and had only been back with her team for two days. However, her understanding why Blake was so stiff and quiet was not the same as her being okay with Blake being left out of the dining table conversation. 

She glanced right, looking for Yang’s eyes and not catching them. The blonde was in an animated conversation with Nora about something or another, facing away from Blake. It didn’t _seem_ deliberate, but a year ago their eyes seemed to gravitate towards each other. In the time since Blake had appeared in Haven’s ballroom, Weiss had yet to see them maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds.

It felt _inherently_ wrong. Blake and Yang had always been very close (almost nauseatingly so, at times). Even something as simple as Blake choosing the seat next to Weiss rather than Yang left her uneasy. 

Weiss’s lips pressed into a thin line and, not for the first time, wished people made more sense. Dust made sense, if a reaction failed because it was missing a reagent, then you reintroduce the reagent and rerun the procedure.

Blake was _back_ , she was with the group and everyone else was fine with it, so why was the situation so awkward? Yang was happy that Blake was back…

Right?

Not even trying to hide her displeasure, Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose. People were so much easier to understand when you were reading about them in books. She could write essays on General Lagune’s career and motivations, and could chart with detail the probable course that led to his history-shaping blunder during the Faunus Rights Revolution. Why couldn’t Blake and Yang be as transparent?

Probably because they were alive and General Lagune was dead.

Still.

It hurt to watch, really. The memory of her team was one of the few things that got her through those long six months back in Atlas. To see the dynamic so different from how she left it…

Weiss suppressed an annoyed huff and, as casually as she could, cast a glance around the table. If Yang was making a point to avoid Blake (for whatever absurd reason she had lodged in that thick skull of hers), then her missing Blake being left out made sense at least, but what about Ruby? Ever since Weiss had rejoined her wayward team, Ruby had kept near-laser focus on repairing Team RWBY’s dynamic, both on and off the training field. Between trying to keep their financial status situated with very little income, Salem’s conspiracy, and Yang’s healing (despite her claim to be ‘Better’, Weiss knew what it looked like when an old scar ached), the stress weighed heavily on RW_Y’s shoulders, and Ruby was always there when they needed her with a bright, megawatt smile and an optimistic outlook. Promising that everything was going to be A-Okay. Ruby’s dream - _both_ of their dreams - was bringing their team back together as a whole, there’s no way Ruby just _wouldn’t notice_ Blake being left out of the group's conversation.

Across the table, Ruby’s attention was exclusively on her bowl of noodles. Eyes down in the broth and elbows on the table in a way that caught Weiss somewhere between a deep frown and a nostalgic smile, she shoveled far too many noodles into her mouth per minute than was probably safe.

It almost made Weiss laugh again. In Ruby’s defense, it was quite a good bowl of noodles. If there was ever anything that would distract Ruby Rose, it was good food.

But that meant she would have to be the one to get Blake comfortable with her family again.

Alone.

She felt wholly unqualified.

Turning rather quite stiffly to her left, Weiss’s mouth opened almost of its own volition and she committed to the first thing that crossed her mind before she could overthink herself into an anxious mess.

“So, Blake, do you have any new...teas?”

Oh, what on Remnant had she just said?

Blake blinked, evidently just as shocked by the question as Weiss. The emotion only existed for a moment, like a flash of fire dust, before Blake hid it with an obviously forced and too-friendly smile, “Oh, not really. What about you?”

Oh Brothers, introducing Ruby to Winter had been less awkward. Still, Weiss was determined to keep Blake engaged _somehow_ , she supposed this was better than nothing. “Certainly not, I still don’t understand how you enjoy that drivel.” Too judgemental, Schnee! You’re trying to make her feel welcome!

To her surprise though, Blake laughed lightly, and for a fleeting moment sounded like herself, “I meant with coffee, or do you still drink that same Mistrali roast?”

Weiss bit her tongue. Her Mistrali Imperial. Extra-dark roasted, grown and harvested in the very garden once owned by the Emperor of Mistral. Deep notes of chocolate and the faintest undercurrents of citrus and juniper. Weiss could taste it on the back of her tongue with a splash of cream and a pinch of sugar. It had been her favourite. She wasn’t going to tell Blake that she couldn’t afford it anymore. “I’ve been...experimenting.”

Something twinkled in Blake’s eye, and some of the tension leaked from Weiss’s shoulders, if only a little. “Oh? Why is that?”

Whatever, this was working. Blake was starting to relax a bit, it was like watching a miracle at work. Weiss could absolutely run with this, “Partially from curiosity, but mostly because...Well to be frank, Mistral is _bizarre_ when it comes to coffee.” She punctuated the sentence by tapping her fork on the side of her bowl, hoping to subtly get Ruby’s attention. Getting people to relax was _not_ in Weiss’s skillset, Ruby was so much better at this. A drop of sweat beaded on her forehead.

Blake crooked her head to the side, brows furrowing, “I thought Mistal was famous for its coffee.”

Ruby was across the broad table from Weiss, and out of her view while she was maintaining eye contact with Blake. Whatever she was up to, no bubbly voice cut through the awkward tension that Weiss hoped only she could feel. It would seem that Weiss was alone in this battle. “That is the strange thing,” at least she had picked a subject she could talk about, “It’s famous as an _export_ , but the people here don’t actually drink coffee to the extent that Vale and Atlas do.”

Blake’s reply was measured, betraying neither boredom nor disinterest. “But some people _do_ still drink it, right?” Somewhere, Nora laughed uproariously at something Yang had said.

Weiss nodded, having hoped Blake would pick up on that to draw her into being more active, “They do. If I had to guess, I would say maybe ten percent of the population drinks coffee regularly.”

“I guess that is a little odd, but hardly bizarre.”

Weiss tried for a smug sort of smile, and believed she succeeded, “It would be, if they used actual coffee makers here.”

Blake blinked, “They...don't?”

“No!” Weiss exclaimed, perhaps overdramatically, “The people who _do_ drink coffee in Mistral just, boil the grounds in a pot and, for as far as I can tell, _hope_ that they sink to the bottom when they pour it.”

At least Blake was entertaining her rant, “No filtering?”

“None!” Weiss said, adding a dramatic sigh and betraying her highborn blood by resting her right elbow on the table and leaning her cheek against her fist, “It’s like drinking a cup of coffee with a handful of sand mixed into it. I can’t even find any coffee filters at the market.” Sitting back in her chair and resting the back of her hand over her forehead as if she suddenly found herself faint, Weiss continued, “It’s dreadful, absolutely dreadful.”

She felt phenomenally silly, putting on this performance, but was immediately gratified as, for the first time in nearly a year, Weiss heard that breathy half-laugh Blake only did when she found something unexpectedly entertaining, “That _does_ sound pretty bad. You know, my dad likes his coffee, and I know he brought his Cafetière with him. He might be willing to share while they’re in Mistral.”

Weiss blanched. She hadn’t really talked to Blake’s parents at all, but,well…

Ghira Belladonna was the _Chieftain of Menagerie._

But... _Brothers_ did a hot cup of pressed coffee sound wonderful.

Weiss was silent for a second, thinking on how exactly she wanted to say this. Stalling for time, she took a slow bite of her noodles, chewing deliberately before swallowing, deciding on, “I wouldn’t know how to ask.”

A single black eyebrow raised for a second before Blake clarified, sarcasm dripping from her voice, “Well you’d usually start with ‘Hello’.”

Her glare could cut steel, “You know what I mean!”

Again, Blake gave that familiar half-laugh that had her own lips quirking up. “Seriously, just ask. I know he looks all mean, but he’s a big softie.”

Weiss wasn’t totally convinced, but she didn’t want to think Blake would lie to her about something like this. “Really? And you don’t think me walking into the Chieftain of Menagerie’s hotel room and asking for a cup of coffee would be a _little_ questionable?”

Blake met Weiss’s eyes seriously, but with a hint of softness that Weiss wasn’t familiar with, “It might be a little awkward at first, but...he’s very forgiving. Give him a chance and I’m sure he’ll love you. I think you two would have a lot to talk about.” Her voice was oddly tender, fond almost. What exactly had Blake’s life been for the past few months, Weiss wondered. She’d never talked about her parents at Beacon, and Weiss had simply assumed she didn’t like talking about them or was an orphan. Now, though, she wondered what exactly their relationship had been while Blake was in the White Fang.

Regardless, maybe it was something worth pursuing? Weiss pursed her lips, “I think I might just take you up on that.”

A small smile graced Blake’s lips, “Be honest, for the conversation or for the coffee?”

“Both are...strong motivators.” _Gods_ it’s been so long since she’s had a good cup of coffee.

Blake’s smile grew just a little, a flash of white teeth, and Weiss suddenly felt that maybe everything was okay. 

Sure, things were tense between Blake and Yang right now. They didn’t know what Salem’s next move was, or even necessarily their own next move (aside from the vague notion of getting the Relic to General Ironwood).

But Team RWBY was back together. And maybe that was all they needed.

Even with everything standing against them, Weiss found herself matching Blake’s smile as the quiet rumble of laughter and chatter filled the dining room. Somehow, for a moment, everything was right.

Maybe not as good as life could be. Maybe they hadn’t found their happy ending yet. Maybe there were empty seats at their table that should have been filled with friends fallen.

Maybe, in a week they would be on their way to the place Weiss dreaded, and fought tooth-and-nail to escape.

But _c’est la vie_ . Life wasn’t perfect, and it never really would be. But it was _good enough_.

Ruby, in her bumbling, naive, stupidly heroic and kind way had taught her that. Taught all of them that, really. And Weiss was happy.

Speaking of Ruby…

Jaune’s voice cut through Weiss’s thoughts, “Hey, Ruby, you okay? You look sorta like you’re dying.”

Sure enough, across from her sat Ruby with a deep frown on her lips, the expression terribly unnatural on her perpetually-upbeat face. Her brows were furrowed almost to the point of contorting her face, and her shoulders were hunched forward. Her fork was held partially out of her bowl, and Ruby’s grip on it was worryingly white-knuckled and unsteady. 

An intense stress was written plainly on her, and with it brought a thunderstrike of confusion and worry within Weiss. What could possibly put such a dreadful look on Ruby-

With a sudden, jerky movement, Ruby leaned back in her seat, crooked her head to the side, and with a theatric motion of her whole body, swung her elbow over her mouth and nose, lurched to the side away from her friends, and let out the kind of sneeze that could only be properly measured on the Richter Scale.

Coming up with watery eyes, Ruby rubbed at her face and exclaimed, “Agh, sorry, I had that one building up for like an hour!”

The relief was immediate, followed shortly by mild disgust and a secondary worry that Ruby may have ruptured her larynx.

Yang laughed hard and, awe in her voice, exclaimed, “Woah Rubes, be careful, you’ll crack the windows like that!”

Ruby offered her sister a sheepish grin, rubbing at the mess of hair on the back of her head, “Uh, oops?”  
  


At the far end of the table, something great and terrible flickered across Nora’s face. Slamming both hands onto the table and hauling herself to her feet (rattling every bowl on the table as she did it), stars shone in her eyes. 

**“** Oh I can TOTALLY beat that!” she began, oblivious - or perhaps uncaring - of Ren’s long-suffering sigh beside her, before dangerously ambitious eyes snapped to Weiss and the shaker of black pepper still sitting by her bowl, “Schnee! Pass the pepper!”

That was a disaster waiting to happen. Layering as much authoritative indignation as she could into her voice, Weiss shouted back, “I will do _no_ such thing!”

It did nothing to prevent Yang from shouting an emphatic, “I will!” and snatching the shaker before Weiss could think of a way to keep it away from her.

Resigning herself to the grim fate of watching Nora snort black pepper to induce a sneeze like a gunshot, Weiss took a second to glance back at Blake. Her eyes lingered for a second on Yang, something pained and longing in her eyes. It was only a second before she noticed that Weiss was looking at her, and the emotion was quickly buried.

It would be a lie to say it didn’t dampen her mood a little, but ultimately it changed nothing. Weiss knew Blake, and she knew Yang. They would work it out eventually, she had faith in that. If not, she was prepared to...intervene, if one of them needed to be told to stop being so dense.

She was sure Ruby would back her up there, too.

Nora ground the palm of her right hand, spotted in flecks of black pepper, into her nose. Weiss’s heart went out to Ren, who’s only response was a deep sigh as he stood to preemptively grab the box of tissues they kept in the bathroom. Still, he had a small smile on his face.

Weiss could feel for him. The unique blend of annoyance and fondness was something she’d just come to accept about being Ruby’s partner. Even as she got into the most ridiculous antics, it never seemed to diminish…

Diminish what?

Hmm, Weiss had lost her train of thought. Or rather, it derailed itself. Where had she been going with that thought?

Well, whatever. The point was that she liked Ruby. Their group’s - their _team’s_ \- paragon. It was strange, how much Ruby had become a rally point for their group, and for Weiss in particular. It was almost startling easy to forget that there was good in the world, living in the Schnee Manor. Were it not for Ruby and her _incessantly_ hopeful outlook, Weiss had no idea where she’d be. 

Weiss rolled her eyes as Nora’s watered, trying desperately to hold in her sneeze in some vain hope that more pepper would mean a bigger sneeze. She looked over to Ruby to share an exasperated look.

Searching for Ruby’s eyes, Weiss found them once more fixed solely on her bowl of noodle soup, completely unaware of the SNAFU going on at the far end of the table. 

That was...odd, to say the least. Sure, maybe Ruby failing to notice how uncomfortable Blake was could be excused by her simply being ravenously hungry (as she often was), but Ruby had _started_ this tangent Nora was running with. It wasn’t normal for her to just drop out of a conversation. Well, that’s a bit of a lie. Around strangers, Ruby would tend to retreat from conversations, preferring to stay under the radar until she was comfortable. Around them, though? Her friends? The notion itself was absurd.

It was abnormal, but what was causing it? Everyone else, even Blake and Yang as awkward as they were, was practically glowing in the celebration of their Triumph at Haven two days ago. Their family was finally back together and healing, and they’d scored their first major victory against Salem and Cinder. 

Ruby always looked on the bright side of things, _always_. Even in their darkest hours, Ruby was there with an encouraging smile and a promise that everything would be okay. So why retreat now? When, for the first time in weeks, everything was Bright?

After a second, Ruby noticed her staring. For just a second, those silver eyes were wide, like those of a doe. 

Weiss was sure she was fine. Ruby was by far the most emotionally stable one on Team RWBY, and maybe even in the whole group. She pushed back the concern she felt, tried to keep it off her face. Still, though, she couldn’t help but worry.

What kind of teammate would she be if she didn’t worry?

Something must’ve slipped through Weiss’s mask, because Ruby very suddenly dug her fork into her bowl and drew out a frankly upsetting amount of noodles and stuffed them into her mouth, cheeks puffing out like the world’s most ambitious chipmunk. Despite the mouthful, she smiled.

It was immediately reassuring, and more than a little funny despite her poor table manners.

Fondness bloomed once again in Weiss’s chest, a warmth like the heat from the stove earlier. 

Yeah, everything was going to be just fine.

**0000000000**

Weiss always tended to have trouble sleeping.

Ever since she was a little kid her sleep would come in bouts. A few hours of vague dreams or thin blackness followed by a sudden jolt awake and a glass of water or a trip to the bathroom. It wasn’t because of any one specific event, she didn’t think. It just wasn’t terribly uncommon for her sleep to get interrupted when she was a child. Every once in a while she would wake to the sound of voices leaking through her walls from her parents bedrooms at unholy hours of the night.

Vague, too quiet to make out, but angry, pouring dread into her stomach.

Those nights were the hardest to sleep through. It was nearly impossible to focus on anything but the distant, too-quiet shouting. The indecision of not knowing if she should move closer, try to hear and understand _why_ her parents were so upset this time, or if she should press her hands over her ears and beg for sleep to take her again and chase away the reality she couldn’t ever _quite_ hide from herself. Klein and Winter always said that bravery wasn’t the lack of fear, but the ability to face your fears despite how much they scared you. It was a nice thought, and one Weiss held as gospel as a child, but she had no way to use that at night, when the thing she feared had no face.

There was no bone-white Grimm mask, no evil terrorist or ill-intent criminal to face. No monsters that went bump in the night. Just, the two people who were the foundation of Weiss’s very life, hating each other.

She felt the fear. She felt the bravery defying it.

But how does one fight an enemy, when the enemy is the hatred that filled the space where love should have been?

As she grew older, she came to understand more and more. Both about the nature of her parent’s conflict and the way they deflected their pain onto their children (either for lack of better, healthier coping mechanisms or for some petty need to feel control). In time, they alienated their firstborn, and Winter fled their home to join the military. Promptly, Weiss was elevated to the pedestal her older sister previously stood on, and all the world’s eyes were on her, the new Heiress.

The shouting stopped, eventually. It turned into silence. Heavy, thick, cold, like the brackish water that would drag you down below the waves and fill your lungs. The shouting was awful, Weiss had far-too-vivid memories of weeping bitterly under the overheard words as a child. But, at the very least, the bouts of shouted words were brief and violent, over in a few minutes across the hall. The silence, though, came with a sort of truce between Jacques and Willow Schnee. Jacques would run the company and do as _he_ pleased, Willow would find whatever she could to occupy her time and do as _she_ pleased.

And they would live together, but live as disconnected and apart as two people could be. 

Willow, whatever remnants of her time training as huntress under her own father lingering, took to whatever flights of fancy she could find. She put together a small menagerie of animals, stolen from all corners of Remnant to be kept for her entertainment. She would take to the forests of Mantle on horseback with a hunting party, taking whatever excotic creature they came across in some pitiful attempt at giving herself a new conquest. Then came the drinking, miserable and drowning.

Sometimes, after the Silence sank into their house, Weiss would be awoken by the sound of her door opening. Her mother, unsteady on her feet, would walk up to Weiss’s bed and sit, like she would when Weiss was very small, and pet her hair.

It was comforting when she was little, and would ease her to sleep after a nightmare.

As a teenager, when her mother stank of expensive liquor and her once-soothing words became slurred, half-teared apologies, asking Weiss to forgive her for things she made no effort to fix or change in any way...all it did was make Weiss feel like one of her pets. Just another exotic beast in a cage for her mother to frown at and ask, “Why don’t you love me enough to make me feel better?”

Her father was better, and much, much worse. He was still proud. Still stood tall in the way Weiss looked up to as a very small child, the way her mother once did as well. But as time wore on and she grew, that pride became clear and transparent. The perceived nobility giving way to tyranny. He drank, as well, but was more subtle about it. Taking his liquor in his study rather than out of a bottle in the halls of the house. Where her mother, drunk half-blind, would demand close attention from her children and the staff in some futile attempt to feel an ounce of the power she once felt over her life, her father demanded the utmost obedience from every single person around him. 

His hand was iron, and the way he controlled those around his was much more sinister. He wasn’t...some blind, selfish villain from a movie. He was just terribly clever and remorseless when it came to people. As children, he offered Weiss and Whitley affection and stability, where their mother offered only misplaced frustration and blame. But, as Weiss grew older, she saw that there was no love in his actions. He offered affection and approval in the same way he offered money and stock during a hostile takeover of another company.

He simply offered what his children wanted, and what their mother wouldn’t - or perhaps, couldn’t - provide. 

In a way, that made him so much easier to deal with, especially after the trap that was her 'test' before Beacon. He was willing to act on what he thought would profit him, and was willing to put his children in mortal peril to reassert his control. There was _no_ good in that, no question if hating him was justified. He was a clear and present enemy, but Willow? Willow hurt so much more, because of how twisted she had become, and how _little_ she did to change that. 

Even as Weiss grew older, and her mother’s midnight visits grew less and less frequent as she realized that no amount of drunken confessions of guilt laced with blame would make her children forgive her, Weiss’s restlessness never really went away.

She would sleep for a few hours a night, waking up for a few minutes at a time before dozing off again once her mind had decided that, yes, everything was fine. When she could, she made up for this by sleeping a bit of extra time in the morning (one of the many ways in which her and Ruby differed, that girl was always up at the crack of dawn), and when she couldn’t...she made do with whatever she had. 

Weiss lay on her back, watching the fan spin in whirls on the ceiling as the moonlight illuminated the room in it’s cold glow. Across the room, Yang grumbled in her sleep. Back at Beacon, she’d filled the room with snores like a chainsaw. In their dorm, at first, Weiss had _hated_ it. That first night, she didn’t think she’d get even a wink of sleep (and indeed, almost didn’t). Over the months, though, sharing those bunk beds and learning to spread her wings at Beacon as a member of Team RWBY’s little family, she’d come to appreciate it. It became...almost comforting, like the sounds from a white-noise generator. Once the silence had seeped into the manor, nighttime was almost crushing. Oppressive, cold. Team RWBY’s dorm, thanks to Yang, was never quiet like that. Always filled with this...gentle thrum of life. When Yang was asleep, the gentle thrum became more like a dull roar, but it _had_ lulled Weiss to sleep many a time (not that she would ever in a thousand years admit it).

The first night her and Yang had shared a room in Mistral, Weiss was shocked at the lack of noise. Over the past six months, Yang had somehow completely cured herself of her snoring. Weiss found herself...almost disheartened. Upon further investigation, Weiss figured out where the snoring had gone. In their dorm, Yang always slept on her back, splayed out on the bed like a corpse and sleeping about as deeply as one. Now, she slept exclusively on her left side. Weiss didn’t ask, for propriety’s sake, but she assumed Yang had picked up the habit when she was healing (physically), so that she didn’t accidentally put pressure on her missing arm, or perhaps so she wasn’t reminded that it was missing so often. 

Weiss supposed it was just another thing to add to the ever-increasing list of things that had changed since Beacon fell.

The thought made her ache, deep in her gut. Brothers, she missed back then. Her life had never been a simple one, but...it was so much easier when she was just a person trying to learn who she was on a team of people she loved, when the most serious thing in her life was just learning to cope with her - to put simply - _troubled_ family. Now, everything was different. No more ‘best day ever’s, no more essays, no more food fights…

No more sparring with Pyrrha.

Weiss huffed, almost too-loudly. The pang in her stomach at the thought was distressingly familiar.

This was getting her nowhere. She certainly wasn’t lulling herself to sleep with all this doom-and-gloom.

She turned over, laying on her side to look across the room. Yang lay on her left side like always, facing away from Weiss. The moonlight danced through her hair, pale lunar glow mingling delicately with golden blonde. Weiss watched the rise and fall of her silhouette through her blanket as she breathed. Yeah, maybe things were hard now. Maybe she had been sleeping in strange beds for over a month, and she hadn’t had a decent cup of coffee since leaving Atlas. Maybe her arms ached and her legs hurt and in the place of Rest going forward was just _more_ fighting, _more_ traveling. Maybe they had lost some people, lost some parts of their lives, their personalities, their _bodies_.

Maybe things wouldn’t get better for a long time. Maybe they wouldn’t ever.

But when Weiss closed her eyes, she saw a silver pair staring right back.

And maybe, that was okay.

Glancing to the nightstand by Yang’s bed, she saw her arm, resting in it’s little charging dock. It would be easy to look at Yang’s missing arm and say ‘it is pointless’, to point out that _these_ are the laurels of heroism. That standing up against Salem - against _evil_ in all its forms - will only win yourself the prize of pain and loss.

And yet, Yang was _here_.

And like a miracle, like fate, she was _breathing_.

And, thinking back to just two days ago, despite her life-changing injury, she _was_ **_fighting._ **

It hurt, to live this sort of life. Going from one fight to the next, never knowing what the future held. But it was the life they had, and Weiss supposed it was good enough for her.

Yeah, they’d lost things along the way. Friends, parts of their lives, parts of their worlds. But all that meant was that they would have to be _better_.

Cinder had _killed_ Pyrrha and Penny, but…

Weiss knew Pyrrha. Perhaps not as well as she would have liked.

But she liked to think she knew her well enough.

Closing her eyes, Weiss thought of her voice.

“ _I’m not quite sure, I was planning on letting the chips fall where they may.”_

No, Pyrrha wouldn’t want them to crumble over her. They would just have to fight harder for her, be the good she would have - _should have_ \- been in the world.

“ _Go forward, you must keep moving on.”_

And, despite herself, Weiss smiled. Just a little bit. It still hurt, of course, but things were never going to be perfect. And right now, Yang was breathing, Blake was back, Pyrrha and Penny were remembered, and life moved forward.

They all, kept moving forward.

And Ruby…

Weiss’s smile grew a bit wider, and she opened her eyes. Ruby was as good as ever.

She’d probably never be able to admit it, but that _sensenfrau_ had kept her sane over the six months she spent in her family home. Everything was chaos, after the fall. The news came in waves, and almost none of it good. 

That day...was undoubtedly one of the hardest in her life. The fan spun around and around on the ceiling, like the cycles of her memories. She remembered her little trip for drinks with Blake to the fairgrounds. Just a bit of coffee and tea to unwind from a very stressful few days. 

The gunshots were the first things she heard. She never did figure out who started shooting first. Maybe it was the guards and huntsmen on the fairgrounds, firing at the concoming Grimm? Or maybe into the air, to warm the area of an oncoming attack?

Or maybe the White Fang had fired into the crowds, the Grimm had swept through after so any attempt at forensic investigations was rendered moot, the bodies mauled regardless of if they had been alive or dead when the Grimm found them.

It was a scramble to try and protect everyone. It wasn’t until after the fighting died down into a dull roar that Weiss heard of what had happened at Amity Arena. What had happened to Penny.

How the Grimm had _swarmed_.

Ruby hadn’t answered her scroll for a while, and dread had begun to sink into her as the attack on Beacon only strengthened. When she finally locked eyes with her partner over a field littered with slain Grimm and Atlesian Military drones, it was as if she had drawn her first real breath since the fighting had started.

They both, together, closed the distance between them. Taking each other’s hands, as if they needed to touch, to _prove_ that they were both okay.

It...Weiss had been complimented many, _many_ times in her life. She’d been praised for her title, her looks, her skills. She’d been given responsibilities and accolades and awards. She’d seen crowds of hundreds give her a standing ovation, roaring their praise at the end of a performance. But never, ever in her life had she felt as _important_ as she had in that moment. As if, for the first time, she _mattered_ . Because if Ruby felt even one _tenth_ the relief and joy Weiss had felt seeing that her partner was safe, then Weiss was more precious than her weight in gold.

Gods, she could’ve kis-

Killed. She could have killed her. If she had gotten hurt, Weiss would have been angry with her and would have killed her. That was where she was going with that thought, definitely. Not...anything else.

Weiss licked at her suddenly dry lips.

Yes, that was definitely all she had thought about doing. Holding Ruby’s hands, feeling the heat radiating off of their bodies from the exertion of battle, with the immense relief of _safety_ crushing her. She definitely hadn’t thought of doing anything else to show Ruby just how happy she was to see that she was safe.

Weiss huffed again, pushing the thought from her mind. It didn’t matter anyway, whatever she had felt, she hadn’t acted on it. The events of the next several hours had made sure that her _purely platonic_ feelings towards her partner were swiftly pushed backwards on her list of priorities.

Yang was hurt, badly. Pyrrha and Jaune were still missing. Blake was in the middle of some kind of breakdown. The injured were piling up in the little perimeter the breathing members of Atlas’s military had established against their own drones. And there was frighteningly little they could do.

After all that had already happened that day, no one would have blamed them if they had stayed in the safezone. Ruby’s sister was on death’s door, one of their friends had been killed, their lives had been torn apart as they watched their Alma Mater burn. They had fought, done their part in rescuing as many people as they could and establishing a place where they could take cover and organize a response to the monsters in their home. _No one_ would have blamed them if they had just sat down and tended to their wounds.

But, Ruby wouldn’t be Ruby if she wasn’t determined to help.

And Weiss wouldn’t be Weiss if she wasn’t willing to follow her leader - her _best friend_ \- into oblivion.

And so she had. She’d sent Ruby up to the top of that tower with her Glyphs. Just moments after Ruby disappeared from view, there had been a flash of light like nothing Weiss had ever seen before. For a second, she thought it was an explosion, and a kind of raw, _animal_ fear took her. When there was no pressure wave, no _boom_ , the fear lessened but did not go away.

She didn’t know what she would have done if Ruby had died on that tower.

Even now, nearly a year later, the thought shook her. She continued watching the fan whirl and whirl, feeling the breeze on her face and letting it ground her. Ruby was _safe_ , she was just a room or two over with Blake, probably sleeping like a baby. She didn’t need to worry over what her life would be without Ruby in it.

It was all Qrow could do to stop her trying to scale the wall with her glyphs. She was much too tired to have made it, but she was prepared to try anyway. But Qrow had convinced her to stay put, and had gone up himself. How he made it up with the elevator broken and the stairs collapsed, she hadn’t known at the time. When he returned, Ruby slack in her uncle’s arms, Weiss had nearly broken.

It was only when she was close enough to see the gentle rise and fall of her chest, see the life in her cheeks and feel the pulse in her veins that Weiss let herself rest.

It wasn’t long after that her father had arrived and swept her away despite her protests. She was still powerless with him, then. Unable to stand tall and dictate her own terms. It wasn’t until much later that she finally built up the mettle in her heart to abandon Atlas and go off on her own.

Those months, it was the memory of her Team that kept her going. So many times, she felt _just_ like that little child again. Cowering in her bed and wishing that her life was different to what it was. Sometimes, she’d felt like she had at Beacon. She’d be Weiss, the huntress. The second name in RWBY, trapped in her family home. The person she had learned that she was, with the help of three of the most wonderful people on Remnant.

But all it took was one raised word. One bark, or particular look, or even just a minor change in body language. A stern “ _Weiss_ ” from her father, or a cold, disappointed frown from her mother, and she was back at twelve years old. Brought low. Whatever point she had been trying to make or stance she was trying to take, snuffed out with all the care one uses to crush a cigarette beneath a boot. 

Eventually, Weiss began to remember who she was. What she had been fighting for at Beacon - _who_ she had been fighting for. It took a snarky comment from a random guest at a party to set her on her course. To remind her who she was.

She was rich, yes. She was an heiress (or rather, used to be). She was a Socialite, a member of the Atlesian elite.

But she was also a _Huntress_.

On the day she left, she’d thrown a cloak over her shoulders and taken a ferry down to the Schnee docks in Mantle. Her mother was getting a new shipment of animals to add to her menagerie, more things for her to put into cages. Her plan was to take a page from Sun’s book and stow away on the cargo ship and get off at its next stop, a few miles down the coast. There, she would depart and meet up with a pilot who’d been hired to smuggle her across the border and into Anima.

What she hadn’t expected was for her mother to also be at the docks. Whether she had been there to oversee the shipment’s delivery personally or had followed Weiss from the Manor, Weiss didn’t know.

Her mother had trained as a huntress, once. Under Weiss’s grandfather. She’d learned the art of the family semblance, though had never taken up hunting Grimm as a career, instead using her rusty skills to capture animals for her menagerie. She’d had the means to stop Weiss. To put an effort in.

But, just like always, she folded like a paper crane. She’d caught Weiss, and all she’d had to offer were words. 

_“I should have known not even you would stay by my side,” her voice was as cold and dispassionate as the wind howling through the dock, but she seemed mostly sober, at the very least, “Abandoned by Winter, by Whitley, by even your Father...I should have seen it coming, really.” She’d pulled down the hood she’d worn, the wind catching her hair and snapping it like the whip of a slaver, “No matter what I give any of you, you all still leave me in the end…”_

Her voice had been cracked, frayed. It often was when it wasn’t slurred with alcohol. As if her throat was raw. Weiss had tried to reason with her, tried to explain _why_ she had to go, but just like when she was a child and her mother would sit in her room, petting her hair and trying to comfort _herself_ even as her daughter broke down beside her, she was deaf to her daughter's heart. 

Her mother tried to deflect the blame again. Saying that it wasn’t _her_ fault their home was cold, it wasn’t _her_ fault that her children had no allies against their father. 

_“Your Father knows_ **_best,_ ** _” is what she had said, something bitter and angry on her face, hidden beneath glassy eyes like a fractured mirror, “I’ve learned that, too. As I’ve learned that there’s nothing I’ll ever be able to do to make you love me.”_

She’d said it before, when Weiss was younger. She’d liked asking her children, “Why don’t you love me?”, fishing for compliments, for affection. As a child, Weiss had been desperate to cry that she _did_ love her, just as hungry for warmth as Willow. The thought that her mother didn’t know that Weiss loved her was crushing, panic-inducing.

But Willow never believed her. Surely, if anyone _really_ loved her, it would fix the rot in her heart, right? Take away the pain that she couldn’t drown. Fix the life Jacques had broken and she herself had ruined. Weiss had poured out every bit of love she had in her little heart, and all Willow had given in return was _blame_.

And that night on the dock, as Weiss _fought_ , as she stood up and _took_ her freedom, as she put in the effort that her mother never did to fix her life and break the cycle, all Willow Schnee had to offer her daughter was _blame_.

She was the same woman she had been five years ago, fifteen years ago.

But Weiss was **_not_ **.

Her mother was nearly fifty years old now, and she had learned _nothing_ . She was not evil, not vindictive like Weiss’s father, but she refused, miserably, to _grow_ . All she did was proliferate the cycle that had been Weiss’s whole life. When she was a child, this had nearly broken her. The fear of the reality of how _broken_ her family was had crushed her heart, stolen every drop of love she’d had to give, left her a husk of a child. And all Willow had done was ask for more, more, more. It had filled Weiss with dread, once. Had forced her down onto a path of isolation where the only hope of peace was being _alone_.

But then? At the dock just a few months ago? It was not sadness she felt. It was not despair, nor fear. Because, unlike her mother, she _had_ grown. She’d seen what a family was supposed to be, _lived_ what a family was supposed to be. She’d loved people, and felt what it was like to be loved back. To feel someone rushing into her arms as if she was the most precious thing in the world. She knew what waited for her, outside of her parent’s cycle. And so, when Willow claimed again that Weiss refused to love her, Weiss was not sad, was not broken, was not afraid.

She was **angry**.

“ _I am so..._ ** _sorry_** _for you,” Weiss said, her voice tight with frustration. Her mother was here, trying to_ blame _her into staying. Trying to convince her that Weiss_ owed _Willow, that Weiss was refusing to be the person Willow needed to fix her life. She stood there, in front of Weiss, and tried to make her small, tried to force Weiss into a cage alongside her, and the best she could do was_ guilt? _“But I am_ ** _not_** _your ‘newest conquest’.”_

_Fury, righteous, blumed in her heart like the flames that wreathed Yang’s hair. Her right hand tightened into a fist at her side as her aura surged with her emotions, glowing a pale blue, while her left tightened around Myrtenaster’s hilt until her knuckles turned white. Her heart raced and she staired, unblinking, into the face of one of the two people responsible for nearly every hardship she had faced in her life, but she was_ **_armed_ ** _, and she was_ **_ready_ ** _._

_The anger became too much for her to bear. What they had allowed to happen to their children, to the Faunus, to the_ world _was_ wrong _. They had both, with Jacques’s greed and Willow’s cowardice, spat on the name Schnee. And Weiss had had_ enough _, maybe she wanted to fix the damage they had done to the Schnee name, maybe she wanted to be with her real family again, maybe she wanted to make their world a better place, or..._ ** _maybe she was just_** **_tired of being pushed around_** _._

_“You want me to stay, mother?”_

_Weiss threw her arm to the side, and a glyph exploded to life. Brilliant blue, the sigil of Weiss’s family hung in the air as a statement: No more hollow words, no more meek reassurances, no more foundationless blame. Blake had stood up for what she believed was right, she’d fought the SDC and the White Fang alike in the defense of those who couldn’t protect themselves. Now it was Weiss’s turn. And she demanded the same thing from her mother. If she wanted Weiss to stay so badly, she would need to_ act _._

_“_ **_Prove it._ ** _”_

_Willow said nothing in response, but slowly, her own version of the family crest bloomed between her hands, a spark of something alive in her eyes for the first time in decades. It was unlike anything Weiss had seen before._

_Weiss dropped back into a stance, Myrtenster coming up in a traditional fencer’s salute, tip pointed towards the sky and parallel to her body. She stared past her blade, into blue eyes so alike her own, and said to her mother, “Make me_ **_proud_ ** _.”_

The fight hadn’t been long. Her mother was years and decades out of practice and Weiss, while a bit rusty from six months at home, was a huntress in her prime. Weiss had broken the cages holding her mother’s animals and, in the chaos, had stolen away onto the cargo ship full of SDC convict laborers. They seized control of the ship and had taken it out to sea while the animals stampeded and Weiss’s _Arma Gigas_ fought Willow’s Nevermore.

_Her breath came in harsh pants as her body recovered from the fight and she tasted the salt of the ocean below her, anger still flowing like fire in her veins. Gathering her strength, Weiss called across the waters of Mantle, “No one belongs in a cage, mother. Not the Faunus, not your animals, not_ **_me_ ** _...” And as the distance between them grew and choppy, ice-cold seawater separated the pair, Weiss watched the dejection growing on her mother’s face. The spark that had lit in their fight lingering, breaking through the cold disconnection her mother usually showed, real emotion showing on her face. In that moment, Weiss felt just the smallest touch of regret. Anger for years of neglect and a misspent upbringing didn’t disappear so easily, but...Weiss didn’t hate her mother. She didn’t_ want _to hate her mother._

_Weiss’s life had been hard, but so had Willow’s. Weiss couldn’t blame her for breaking to it, for not having the strength to rise above. So, even as the pain of Weiss’s life still ached, Weiss added, “...And not you.”_

_When you are angry, really, truly angry, it’s easy to see things as black-and-white. To see someone who has hurt you and say ‘they are evil’. But just as life didn’t have fairytale happy-endings, it did not have fairy tale villains either. Weiss saw the pain on her mother’s face, saw the regret for her mistreatment of her children, how she hated that she wasn’t strong enough to give them a good life._

_Life was_ not _a fairy tale, but…_

Weiss had seen silver eyes.

**_...That’s why they were here. To make it better._ **

_“You are my mother,” Weiss had said, after a moment of silence, her voice cutting through the howling of the wind and the crashing of the arctic waves, “And I love you, because of and despite all of this...,” she waved her arms, broadly gesturing to everything around them, Weiss’s whole life, “...I still love you.”_

_And for once, behind those cold, dispassionate blue eyes, Weiss thought she saw understanding. And one, final time she poured her heart into her words as a gift to her mother, “But I cannot be the next stage in this cycle.” She prayed her mother heard the emotion in her voice, the conviction. Because it was the Truth. “I can’t be the next Hind you’re going to Hunt.”_

_And as her mother watched, awe and pain mixed equally in her eyes, Weiss steeled. Determination clear to Willow despite the ever-increasing meters between them, Weiss concluded, “And I can’t grow up to be_ **you** _.”_

_And maybe, as Weiss left her behind, Willow understood._

It was one of the most...cleansing moments of her life. She had spent the next several minutes just, sitting on the deck of the ship, breathing in the frigid air.

Weiss sighed and sat up, a tremulous emotion in her chest, but a generally positive one. It would have been _so_ _easy_ to have let bitterness and anger fill her, that day. Just like it had all those years ago when she started on the path that made her into who she had been when she’d first arrived at Beacon. Arrogant, mean, _alone_. 

But she had grown there, too. Become a better version of herself.

Because, against all the odds, Weiss’s team had rubbed off on her. She’d learned the lessons her team had inadvertently taught her and put them to use.

She’d meant what she said to her mother, that she still loved her. Even if she had been the cause of so much pain in the lives of the siblings Schnee, she was a victim just as much as they were. 

She could have been like her mother and lashed out, dumped all the blame on her mother’s shoulders just like she had done to her children. Or, she could have been like her father, and hurt Willow with no regard to anything but what Weiss stood to gain by it. But she had done neither. Instead, she had made her stance clear and, in a way, had forgiven her mother.

She hasn’t forgotten what Willow did to her and her siblings, but maybe she _has_ forgiven her for it.

Ruby always looked on the bright side of people. Only ever saw the good in them. At first, Weiss didn’t understand it. How sheltered had Ruby’s upbringing been, how little adversity had she lived through, to think that everyone had good in them? Had she really never _seen_ how cruel life could be?

Of course, it wasn’t until later that Weiss had learned about Ruby’s family. They didn’t talk about it much, but Yang had told her how hard their father was hit by Ruby’s mother’s death. How Yang had basically had to raise Ruby for a time as their father did little other than mourn. 

The Xiao Long family had lived through the pain of having their family torn in two not once, but twice, and the aftershocks rang through their house to this day. The first time Ruby had told Weiss about her mother, it was with such a tender sadness that Weiss hadn’t known how to act.

_“I...I don’t even know if I remember her face.”_

It wasn’t that Ruby had an easy life. She didn’t believe that people were good or that life was worth surviving out of _naiveté_ , because she _had_ seen what evil did to people. She’d lived through having a family member stolen away, lived through seeing another break, lived through the horrors of the Fall of Beacon. Ruby lived in the same world Weiss had, but she didn’t grow jaded, didn’t become cynical. She didn’t believe what she believed because she lived in a fairy tale.

She just, despite all the evil in the world, believed life to be worth living, and believed that people were good.

Weiss stood up, letting the covers fall off of her. All this thinking wasn’t getting her any less tired. She needed to take a walk around the safehouse, maybe get some water or take a trip to the restroom. Something to get just a bit of energy out, to trick her body into thinking she had accomplished whatever it had woken her up to do.

She stepped carefully in the darkness, eyes scanning the barely-lit floor for obstacles as she snuck out of the bedroom so as to not wake Yang. The first night Weiss had needed to take a walk after coming to Mistral, she’d discovered that Yang had also become quite the light sleeper over the course of the past few months. She did her best not to wonder why that was the case.

But still, despite the heavy thoughts on her mind tonight, Weiss’s good mood persisted.

Things were different now. They were better in some ways, and worse in others, but her family was together again.

Jacques had always demanded perfection from her. Doubly so after Winter ran away. She had to be the family’s new Heiress. She had to learn everything that Winter had learned over her whole lifetime about running the company in just a few short years. She had to be the perfect student, the perfect heiress, the perfect _daughter_ . Those years, she’d lived by that. Everything had to be perfect. No flaws, no missteps, nor hiccups. If a mistake was made, Weiss needed to do _better_.

It took Ozpin assigning Ruby as Team RWBY’s leader to force Weiss to face the fact that sometimes, things _weren’t_ going to be perfect. It took Weiss making a fool of herself in front of a class of students, and then again in front of Professor Port to force her to face the fact that sometimes _she_ wasn’t going to be perfect.

And it took Ruby Rose showing her how to laugh and cry and _live_ to teach her that maybe, that was okay. 

When Weiss had arrived in Mistral, when she was first coming to realize just how much her friends had changed over the several months they’d spent apart, it had hurt. Each one of her old friends had changed, for better and for worse. She had to relearn how to deal with each one of them, especially with Yang. But Ruby?

Weiss didn’t need to relearn much of anything with Ruby. Being together with her again...it was like everything was exactly where Weiss had left it.

It was one of the things she most admired about her. Ruby always seemed to be able to roll with the punches of life. Nothing ever _got_ to her. Even her weaker moments hid the kind of strength Weiss only dreamed of having. _Nothing_ ever dimmed Ruby’s light.

Even today at dinner, when something had certainly been nagging Ruby, it didn’t bring her down. Ruby didn’t let these things ride her shoulders and carry her down like Weiss did.

Their lives were hard, filled with trials and tribulations. Weiss had a tendency to think too hard on the implications of their lives, it would drag her down a spiral that sometimes threatened to drown her in anxiety.

Ruby didn’t _do_ that. She was always secure in her judgement, secure in the knowledge that what they were doing was _right_. Even when things were hard, when they made mistakes, she just accepted the reality of the situation and asked , “What can I do now to make it better?”

It warmed Weiss.

Carefully turning the knob and easing the door open, Weiss slipped into the hallway with nary the sound of a creaking hinge. A sound caught on Weiss’s ears as she closed the door to her and Yang’s shared bedroom that brought a screeching halt to her musings. It drifted down the hallway and instantly held her full attention. It was strange, lilting and alien, and made Weiss’s throat tighten.

Weiss’s brow furrowed, and she spent a moment just listening to the sound. It was oscillating, starting and halting irregularly. It sounded somehow completely foreign and hauntingly familiar. Something about it raised the hairs on Weiss’s neck, and so she snuck towards the source of the strange sound.

Careful to keep her footsteps light, Weiss crept forward, shivering slightly as her nightgown did little to protect her from the night time chill.

As she turned the corner from the hallway into the living room, the sight before her stopped Weiss dead in her tracts.

The moonlight illuminated the room in pale blues and yellows, not a single other source of light brightened the scene. The furniture was arranged in the usual way, the doors were closed and the windows were locked securely. The only foreign presence in the room was that wet, strange, bitter noise and the glow of the moon’s light. But there, sitting alone on the couch in the wee hours of the morning, sat Weiss’s partner, and the sound came from her.

Weiss’s gut dropped like a lead weight.

Was...was she _crying?_


	2. ...Haven't Mattered...

**Earlier that afternoon.**

Dinner was...quiet.

Well, it wasn’t really, but it sort of felt like it.

Really, the safe house was just as bustling as it always was around dinnertime. Ren heading up the cooking with Oscar or Ozpin helping him, the two teams of huntsmen and huntresses squeezing around each other in the kitchen, carrying plates and cups to the dining room. Nora making a ruckus (well, Ruby had accepted that Nora just  _ was _ a ruckus), Weiss trying to act dignified while trying to balance a cup, a bowl, and a set of silverware without using her glyphs, Yang being the typhoon of golden hair she always was.

Really, it was a pretty normal day in their little house in Mistral, at least from the outside.On the inside, though, a sort of tension hung in the air. There was something...wrong. Something Ruby couldn’t really place. Kinda like how when you’re flying on an airship and the engines start malfunctioning. You don’t really  _ hear _ it, or perceive it in any kind of way, but you can feel the way the vibrations change that lets you know something is off. 

Yeah, it was like that. Just a raising at the back of her neck. A wrongness.

Holding her fork and spoon between her teeth like some lame action-movie star with a bowie knife, Ruby resisted the urge to muscle past Jaune to get to her seat. But no, that would be mean, so she just huffed through her nose and waited. He was going so  _ slow _ , trying not to let the broth from his soup spill over the lip of his bowl probably. 

The metal utensils made her mouth taste kinda coppery, sorta like when she had blood in her mouth. That thought up against her patience ended up making her squeeze by her friend and rush to her seat, hopefully without jostling him too much. With that problem solved, Ruby was faced with a new one. She had her cup in one hand, practically overflowing with juice Ren had made out of some melons, and her bowl of noodle soup in the other. No hands, how to pull out her chair…?

She started kicking at one of the legs to slowly scoot it back, trusting her big stompy boots to protect her feet from the dense wood. It was a balancing act, trying to kick the chair without either spilling her bowl or falling onto her face (which would also probably spill her bowl). After a few seconds and a few hard kicks, the chair had begun to scoot back, victory close at hand!

Weiss’s voice cut through her focus, “Put down your things and use your hands, you oaf.” Startled, Ruby snapped her head up. Weiss was staring at her, a glare in her eyes but a slight quirk to her lips that showed she thought the sight of Ruby kicking her chair was funny.

It almost made Ruby smile around her fork and spoon. She remembered how Weiss looked the day before yesterday, in Haven’s foyer. The red mixing with blue cloth. She forced a smile anyway even as her stomach twisted into a knot, and mumbled through the metal in her mouth, “Ohh, duh. Soffry, Weish!” with what she hoped was a cheery inflection, before setting her cup and bowl on the table and spitting out her silverware, trying not to dwell on the too-recent memory, or the sweat collecting on her palms. Weiss turned her attention to her own place setting, and Ruby shook her head hard, trying to snap herself out of it.

It took just a minute or two for everyone to file into the room, but it passed in a blur, like a wet painting being sprayed with water, the colors running together. Before long, all Ruby could hear was the murmur of conversation and the sounds of forks and spoons. It was a...familiar sort of sound. It reminded her of the cafeteria at Beacon. It was almost enough for her to not notice the wrongness anymore. But then again, the cafeteria at Beacon was much louder, everyone at their table was more shouty. The cafeteria food was different, not as good. The air had this smell to it Ruby couldn’t quite remember, but the safe house smelled like a house, not a building. There was a difference. 

Also, Pyrrha sat with them at Beacon.

Focus, Ruby. That...doesn’t matter now. Focus on today, if you’re gonna stress about something, stress about whatever is making this all feel so  _ weird _ .

It could be...Yang and Blake? Blake had come back to them just two days beforehand, during the attack on Haven, and the team dynamic had...shifted, between Beacon and now.

At the thought, her throat tightened. She swallowed a forkfull of noodles quickly, hoping the food would drag down...that. 

Some people called Ruby oblivious sometimes. She thought that was a little mean, but she couldn’t really blame them. There were a lot of social queues that just went over her head from time to time. She wasn’t  _ really _ oblivious though, unless she was horribly distracted. She just...didn’t think some things were as important as other people said. When she did think something was important, she knew how to be  _ very _ attentive. She couldn’t  _ not _ focus on it, really, if it was important to her.

And almost nothing was more important to her than her team. Brothers, it was impossible for Ruby  _ not _ to notice the tension.

Of course she noticed that something was...wrong, between Blake and Yang. Back at Beacon, they’d been two sides of the same coin. Always back-to-back or shoulder-to-shoulder. Now though, ever since Blake had appeared from out of the blue with a militia behind her and asked if her place on Team RWBY was still open, they didn’t even  _ look  _ at each other. Well, they did, sorta, but only when the other wasn’t looking. They’d never done that back at Beacon.

That was the problem, though. ‘Back at Beacon.’ She still didn’t know  _ exactly _ what had happened to Yang back then. Ruby had put together that she’d saved Blake’s life somehow, and lost her arm in the process, but Yang wasn’t exactly in the mood to give Ruby a play-by-play after Beacon fell (and to be honest, Ruby dreaded hearing it). She knew for a fact, though, that Blake disappearing had devastated Yang. Hurt her in the kind of way Ruby knew she couldn’t heal. The kind of hurt Ruby couldn’t help.

She’d learned that the hard way.

But Yang was strong, smart. She picked herself up while Ruby had been gone. Made herself better. Now, she could crack jokes about her arm, laugh just like she always had. A week ago, she’d seemed almost...normal. More mature, a bit more wary and tender, but by and large just the way she’d been before Beacon fell!

But then Blake came back, and that all sorta...crumbled. Not in any grand way, just quietly, in the background. Ruby knew when Yang faked being happy. She’d never tell Yang that, she knew how much her big sister took comfort in the idea that no matter how bad she hurt, she could hide it from Ruby. She could still tell when Yang laughed a bit too hard, forced her jokes out through clenched teeth, when her smiles didn’t  _ quite _ reach her eyes.

It wasn’t just Yang though. Blake was also off, hurting. Blake had always been guarded, she was never really open with her emotions. Even at Beacon, when she’d begun to open up and trust her team, when she’d started to spread her wings a bit, there was always just a  _ bit  _ of a filter between her heart and her mouth.

Now though, it was like she was...faking not-faking. Like she was pretending to be back how she was at Beacon when she really wasn’t. Ruby didn’t miss how often her eyes fixed on Yang’s arm. Didn’t miss the way her ears folded back even as her face remained neutral, the way she jumped up to help out with chores just a  _ bit _ too eagerly, like she had something to prove.

Ruby chewed on her tongue. She  _ hated _ it. It made her feel all...rotten inside. She loved her team, loved them the kind of way that was hard to put into words. She  _ needed _ to help them. Needed to be out there fighting for them, fixing the things that hurt them. Making sure nothing else could hurt them again.

But…

…she couldn’t help them.

There was no enemy that made the air awkward between them. No ‘Salem’ who stood between Ruby’s sister and her partner, holding them apart. Even if there  _ is  _ someone to blame for Yang losing her arm or Blake running away, Ruby can’t beat that person up and magically fix Yang and Blake’s relationship. She can’t undo something that’s already happened. And there’s no enemy holding them apart now. The only ones making Blake and Yang hurt are Blake and Yang. 

_ Helpless _ , that’s how she felt. Useless. Who needs that kind of leader? The kind who fails her team like that? Who can’t even help her teammates?

Just like she couldn’t help Weiss.

She screwed her eyes shut tightly, stomped down on that high,  _ high  _ pitched feeling in her chest. Her throat squeezed shut, and she forced herself to breath even as her hands balled around her fork and the pleasant din of conversation filled the dining room. Just like dad had taught her when he was teaching her to shoot. Slow, even breaths, fill your lungs, let it out smooth, slow your heart.

Her heart was  _ racing _ . 

She pushed it down, kept breathing. She couldn’t break here. Just breathe, you’re a leader now. Can’t go crying to Yang anymore.

She remembered feeling Yang in her arms, just a few short weeks ago. “I love you,” she had said, tears wetting Ruby’s shoulder, returning what Ruby had said to her months beforehand. Now Yang came crying to her. She had to be strong.

Jaune’s voice cut through the roaring in her ears, “Hey, Ruby, you okay? You look sorta like you’re dying.”

Suddenly she became aware of the din of conversation at the table dying down, eyes turning to look at her curious. She pressed down even harder, getting ahold of herself and forcing down the tension. It was just a normal day, just a normal dinner. They’d all been talking and laughing and being carefree, and now they’d stopped because of her, and she didn’t even know what they had been talking about to turn the conversion back to. Guilt mixed in with the tension, blame unsaid but still felt.

She made a bit of a show of leaning over and  _ sneezing _ as loud as she could. Crescent Rose would have been proud of the sound she made, but it only made the ringing in her ears worse. “Agh, sorry, I had that one building up for like an hour!” she said, forcing a half-smile and rubbing at her nose, hoping against hope that they would just take it at face value and go back to their celebration.

Jaune seemed to accept the answer, and Yang laughed from her place across the table, “Woah, sis, be careful, you’ll crack the windows like that!”

They’d bought it.

Ruby forced her plastic smile to be wider on her face, rubbing at the back of her neck and doing her best to look shyly embarrassed, “Uh, oops?”

An idea flickered over Nora’s face in a wicked sort of way before she yelled, “Oh I can TOTALLY beat that! Schnee! Pass the pepper!”

“I will do  _ no _ such thing!”

And just like that the room dissolved back into the dull roar of conversation as the attention thankfully was turned away from Ruby. Under her breath, she heaved a sigh of relief and began eating her food vigorously, hoping to look enamoured enough with the bowl of noodles and broth that she’d be allowed to slip out of any attempts to draw her into a conversation. She wasn’t sure she could pretend to be her chipper self for long, not with this just-a-little-off air swirling around the table, now supplemented by the fear of ruining everyone's good mood. She already felt guilty enough.

It wasn’t just Blake and Yang. As much as it hurt her to see two of the people she loved hurting so much, there was this...incompleteness to that. It didn’t feel like the  _ whole _ problem, really. There was something else, it felt like someone had doused her cloak in ice water and then hung it on her shoulders, heavy and cold. Sucking all the warmth from her.

Even as Nora rubbed pepper into her nose to try and beat Ruby’s sneeze and Ren waited next to her with a box of tissues for what was undoubtedly going to be a catastrophe, Ruby swallowed her food past a lump in her throat that refused to go away. Tension as tight as a bowstring in her shoulders.

_ Something  _ was wrong, she was sure of it. Something she was missing, or, or ignoring. There was  _ something _ on the tip of her tongue. She just had to figure it out, and this high-pitched, ringing tension would go away. This feeling of wrongness would disappear. Right?

Come on, this was as whole as her friend group, her little found-family, had been since Beacon fell! All gathered around a table, eating good food, cracking jokes, being stupid. Safe, sound. A few interpersonal problems shouldn’t...shouldn’t taint that! They were all safe.

But then what was  _ wrong?! _

Something was, something  _ had _ to be- 

Weiss was looking at her.

Shocked to attention, Ruby’s eyes snapped up to meet Weiss’s. Her face was completely calm, which with Weiss meant she was hiding something. Her brows were just a little lower than normal, and her lips (while not frowning) were pressed together, slightly thinner than normal.

Concern, that’s what her face said.

Ruby shoveled a heaping forkful of noodles and broth into her mouth, so full she might as well have stuffed a baseball into it, and gave her best attempt at a goofy smile.

It was crazy how they could have a whole conversation like this, silently and with just their faces.

_ Are you okay? _ Weiss seemed to ask.

_ Pfft, yeah! Of course I am! _ Ruby seemed to say back.

A huff of breath and a quirk of the lips were Weiss’s reply, an almost-laugh. She’d bought it.

It was also crazy how easy it was to lie, now.

Once her eyes left, Ruby’s grin dropped and she began to chew hard, trying to work the lump of food down into a manageable chunk to swallow. It hurt a little, when she did swallow it, but Weiss was happy so it didn’t matter. Weiss was good.

Her whole body shuddered, just slightly.

Ruby breathed, forced herself to stay calm. They were  _ fine _ . Everyone was  _ fine _ . They didn’t need a leader who randomly broke down during dinner. She had to be better than that.

She forced herself to keep eating, ignoring the way her hands shook.

**0000000000**

The first night after they’d saved Haven and secured the Relic of Knowledge, Ruby had been  _ exhausted _ . It was nearly morning when they’d returned to the safe house, the walk home a blur. Ruby was lucky she’d had the wherewithal to shower. Her combat gear was  _ still _ in a pile in their bedroom, desperately needing to be cleaned. It was all they could do to set Blake up in the room with Ruby (because they didn’t have enough rooms and trying to make Blake and Yang share would be...too much too fast, she thought) before she fell facedown in her bed.

A whole day of work, followed by  _ way _ too much time spent fighting in Haven’s grand foyer, meant every bone in Ruby’s body was begging for sleep. It was heavy and dreamless, and came the instant Ruby’s head hit her pillow.

The next day was equally busy. Bustling around from one thing to the next, talking to the police and the other administrators from Haven and writing reports to both meant she didn’t have any time to  _ think _ , let alone stress.

Today was their first ‘normal’ day since the Battle of Haven, and the first night Ruby had a chance at a full eight hours of sleep before sunrise.

But, of course, she couldn’t sleep. At all.

She’d never had trouble sleeping before. Even after Mom died, or after Beacon fell. She’d had nightmares, sure. Vicious ones, even, but she’d always still be able to fall asleep. Now, it was like there was a brick wall in her head that just said ‘Nope! Not tonight!’ every time Ruby closed her eyes.

The fan turned lazily over her head, not really cooling the room. Ruby hated sleeping without a fan moving the air around. On Patch, it was humid enough that if you didn’t keep the fan spinning like a top in a tumble dryer you’d wake up with sweat soaked through your pajamas. She’d sorta gotten used to it as a kid. Finally sleeping in a proper bedroom again after so long in the wilderness got her used to it again, so now it sucked to sleep without the fan blowing hard. On this setting, there was barely a gentle breeze.

But, Blake had mentioned once that the noise of fan motors aggravated her ears when they got loud, back at Beacon. Ruby had made sure to turn down the intensity once Blake started sleeping in the same room as her. Ruby could deal with it.

It certainly wasn’t helping her though. The cheap comforter didn’t mesh well with her fuzzy pajama pants, and there was humidity in the air that the air conditioner couldn’t  _ quite _ fully scrub away. Ruby huffed, eyes pressed closed stubbornly. Maybe if she just, pretended to be asleep...her body would follow?

…

Ugh.

Without the fan whirling on the ceiling, it was like trying to sleep in a swamp! They’d done that once, on the road. About halfway between the coast of Mitral and Kuroyuri. Back when it was just her and what was left of Team JNPR. They hadn’t had enough money for an Inn, so they’d slept out in the swamp. Well, she said swamp (Said? Thought? Whatever.), but it was really just a real wet patch of forest.

It wasn’t so bad! The frogs sounded nice, and even if it was super humid, they’d managed to get a campfire going that kept - most of - the mosquitoes away! Plus, the stars were really pretty that night, what little of them she could see through the trees.

She wished that she could see the stars right now, they always calmed her down. 

Rolling over stiffly, wary of her sore muscles, Ruby briefly eyed the window. Maybe she could crack it open? Let a bit of air circulate, spend some time stargazing, that sounded nice! 

But...her eyes trailed down. Even from the small sliver of moonlight that slipped between the wooden blinds, she could see Blake curled up under her blanket, cheek resting on her arm, eyes closed, and lips parted  _ just so _ to let out the silent breaths of air she was breathing. She was facing the window, there’s no way she wouldn’t wake up if Ruby opened it. The light from the moon, or maybe the sound, would definitely wake her,

There was so many times these past few days Ruby had watched Blake, helpless. Poor Blake, Ruby could see that all this was eating her up. Trying to fit back in with her team, her friends, after being gone so long. Trying to get caught up, trying to fix relationships she’d hurt. Blake was always busy trying to fix  _ something _ that Ruby couldn’t help her with. This was one of the few times Ruby had seen Blake relaxed since she’d come back. 

Stiffly, Ruby rolled over, putting her back to Blake and the window. She could deal with it. Sleep would come eventually. She would  _ not _ risk taking that away from Blake.

Twenty minutes she spent tossing and turning in bed. Turning one way, then turning another. Getting tangled in her stuffy blanket and kicking at it until it was straight again. 

Eventually, she gave up on trying to find a comfortable position. The stupid scratchy blanket and the stuffy air and her sore legs and arms and back wouldn’t let her get comfortable! 

She shouldn’t be asleep anyway. Not with everything that had happened. Brothers, it was just like two days ago they were fighting Cinder at Haven!

Haven…

Even thinking about it sent a knot up into her throat. Lionheart had betrayed them, he’d been working with Salem for...who knew how long! Talking to them, telling them to be calm, to relax and wait patiently in their little safehouse, all while helping Salem. While helping  _ Cinder _ .

She should have seen it. She didn’t know how she would have seen it, but she should have.

Gods, Cinder almost…

Stop.

She just, should have seen it.

That night, at Haven, was one of the roughest of Ruby’s life. The fan spun lazily, slowly overhead. Ruby’s eyes traced one of it’s blades in circles. Slow, stiff circles. Spinning like the blades of Cinder’s swords, like Crescent Rose’s scythe. 

She knew she’d have to fight people. Even as a little kid wanting to follow in Mom and Dad’s footsteps, she’d known at some point she’d have to fight another person.

She’d already done it, back at Beacon. Team RWBY’s little forays into Vale, crossing the White Fang at Mountain Glen, fighting people was just kinda a necessity. It was understood, though, between everyone at Beacon that you’d never try and  _ hurt _ someone. Not unless you absolutely had to. It was like the first thing they taught you at Signal, the whole ‘Power and Responsibility’ speech. The rule was, you never tried hurt someone because you wanted to. Never by choice, only if you couldn’t do anything else,  _ only _ by necessity.

Jaune had...broken that rule, at Haven.

She didn’t see the whole thing, she was tangled up in her own fight at the time. But she saw what mattered.

Jaune was always nice. A bit dumb sometimes, but he had a really good heart. That’s half of the reason why it hurt so much to see him lose his cool. He was a beacon in his own right, a Good Person. But when Cinder dropped her guard, Jaune had tried to kill her. He hadn’t swung for her arms or legs to incapacitate her, hadn’t swung for her weapons to disarm her, he’d thrusted his sword at her  _ head _ . Not to protect anyone, not because Cinder was a threat, not because, if he killed Cinder, other people might be saved.

Ruby saw his face. He’d tried to kill Cinder, not because of the good that might come out of her death, but because  _ he wanted to kill her _ . 

And it scared Ruby because...she could relate.

_ “You okay?” _

_ “No...I’m angry.” _

Ruby sucked in a shaky, rattling breath, and suddenly realized that her heart was pounding in her throat.

She didn’t need to sleep, she had to stay alert. There was  _ something  _ wrong. Something like that doesn’t just  _ end _ in one night, there was something she was missing. Something she forgot to address.

Everyone else in the safe house was happy, celebrating their Triumph at Haven.

They’d taken the Relic of Knowledge, but Cinder’s group had pretty much all gotten away, and no one knew what happened to Cinder herself! Who knows what they’d try next, when they’d counter attack.

Ruby had to figure it out. Just like making team attacks! She just had to do that, but for defensive strategies! Predict what Salem’s people could do, and set up ways to counter whatever they did, right? That would work, she thought.

But...she had no idea what Salem’s group could possibly do. No idea what resources they had, how far-reaching Salem’s influence was. Gods, she didn’t even know if Cinder was  _ alive _ or not!

She ground the heels of her palms into her eyes, holding in a groan as to not wake up Blake, that tight feeling in her chest coiling like the spring in a mousetrap. This was so much easier at Beacon! She felt like she knew everything, then.

She was going to go to Beacon, her and Weiss were going to work their Team into the top place in their Class, she was going to graduate and get her license, then spend her life helping people and hunting monsters with her team! That was what was  _ supposed _ to happen, that was who they were  _ supposed _ to be!

Now, everything was just...chaos. 

They had to be better.  _ Ruby _ had to be better. She had to come up with some way to keep her team safe.

Ruby wondered, sometimes, if Ozpin was right to invite her to Beacon early. She was young, inexperienced, a little spazzy. Not exactly ‘hero’ material. If he hadn’t invited her, maybe she wouldn’t be in this mess now? She’d be in her last year at Signal, and her biggest stress would be Finals.

But...she’d met her team at Beacon. She’d...met Weiss, at Beacon.

Weiss…

Weiss was…an odd duck, ever since she came back. 

It was, well, ‘surprising’ didn’t do it justice. Shocking, more like. It was shocking, then, when Yang and Weiss joined them. Out of the blue one day, two missing parts of Ruby’s life literally appeared in her living room as if by magic. Ruby’s poor heart did so many summersaults that afternoon! Seeing Yang, back on her feet and sporting this fancy new prosthetic and travel gear...it was like her sister had risen from the dead.

Seeing Yang after Beacon fell was like nothing else. Ruby had lost family before, she’d attended her own mother’s funeral. It ached like a fresh cut even to this day, but she knew how to mourn. It was a different thing altogether to mourn someone who was still alive. 

Her throat rattled worse than some of the ragged air conditioners she’d slept next to on the road to Mistral. Her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to shut out the sensation, forcing it down. Her team didn’t need a leader who cried herself to sleep. She needed to face this and deal with it. It happened. Get over it.

When she left for Mistral, Ruby had left Yang. The morning she left, she’d gone into Yang’s room and said...said the only thing she could’ve said.

“ _ I love you…?” _

And for the first time in her life, Yang hadn’t said it back.

Seeing Yang again, all those months later, on her feet, smiling,  _ fighting _ ...it was like breathing air after being drowned. Yang cried, when they hugged, said, “I love you,” back. Returned the sentiment from so long ago.

That was when Ruby knew she was Yang’s leader, really. When she felt Yang slump, just slightly. When Ruby supported Yang’s weight. Yang came to  _ her  _ for comfort now, she needed to be  _ strong _ .

Which means, no crying in bed.

Once, Ruby had sat on Patch’s dock, watched the water slowly recede into low tide. It felt kinda like that. She focused and pushed down, and slowly the tight, full feeling in her throat began to edge back.

And when she had looked up, there she was.

She would take it to her grave, the first time she saw Weiss. Already confused and stressed and disoriented from getting ditched on Beacon’s airdock, suddenly tripping and finding herself staring at the sky. Whenever she thought back to it, she always remembered the sky. It was around midday, and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. The bluest blue you could imagine...and then, Weiss. With her white hair and porcelain skin and eyes that were somehow an even more perfect blue than the sky above them.

Ruby would never admit it, or if she did she’d blame hitting her head on the way down, but for a second she thought Weiss was an angel.

But then the angel started  _ shouting _ .

She didn’t know at the time that Weiss would go on to be the greatest friend Ruby would ever have. Her Best Teammate.

When the attack happened, Ruby always remembered the panic. Her team was scattered all over campus when she first heard the gunshots, the roars of Grimm; realized the attack on Amity Arena was happening all over Campus, all over  _ Vale _ . Once the adrenaline wore off and the full breadth of what was happening hit her, she felt a fear unlike anything she had felt before. She  _ had _ to find her team. Had to make sure they were okay, that they were safe.

When she found Weiss, sweat slicking her forehead and soot dirtying her clothes, Ruby thought she’d never seen a more beautiful sight. The  _ relief _ of seeing that Weiss was okay was...indescribable. She’d rushed her, taking Weiss’s hands in her own. Gratifyingly, Weiss did the same, as if they needed to touch, to feel that their partner was okay.

If only finding the rest of her friends had gone the same way. 

She pursed her lips, rolling over and pressing her face into the pillow, just in case anything escaped her, as she felt the tide rise again. She pushed at the thought, pushing the memories away. Doing her best to find the light in the dark, to focus on the positives.

After Beacon fell and Weiss disappeared back to Atlas, Ruby was...lost. For her whole career as a huntress, she’d always had her partner. Weiss helped her in more ways than Ruby thought Weiss understood. In concrete ways, sure. Weiss was great for coming up with ideas or managing time or a budget.

But...even just  _ being there _ was enough for Ruby. The knowledge that Weiss was close by calmed her, made her think clearer in a way she couldn’t describe. Weiss was like, stability. Always steady, always confident (even when she secretly wasn’t), always  _ there _ . Back at Beacon, Weiss tried to hide how helpful she was. Ruby didn’t know why, really. She didn’t see ‘being nice’ as anything to be ashamed of, but Weiss did as she pleased. She showed she cared in her own way. When Ruby would fall asleep studying or planning, she’d often be awoken by the smell of a fresh cup of coffee sitting next to her, or she’d wake up with a blanket over her shoulders or a pillow under her head that she didn’t remember putting there before she fell asleep. All the while, Weiss would be sitting at the team’s desk, very inconspicuously  _ not _ looking at Ruby.

Ruby always thanked her anyway.

When Weiss disappeared after Beacon, Ruby suddenly didn’t have that anymore. Jaune, Nora, Ren...they were all her friends. They helped her, were nice, helped her plan and watched her back. But...you can’t replace a person. And for as much as Team RNJR did to help Ruby cope with Beacon falling, they weren’t Team RWBY. They weren’t Weiss.

Just like Team RNJR wasn’t Team JNPR. Team JN_R.

It was embarrassing, the number of decisions she made on the road to Mistral by asking herself, “What would Weiss tell me to do.” She’d even sorta squeaked ‘Dolt’ under her breath more than once, but she’d rather swear off strawberries than ever admit that to anyone.

Ruby knew how to stand on her own. She could fend for herself, both in the physical sense and in the broader emotional sense. She didn’t  _ need _ Weiss for anything, but her partner made everything in her life  _ glow _ a little more. Made the light in the dark just a bit brighter. She wasn’t  _ lost _ without Weiss, really, but life was greyer.

Even now, focusing her thoughts on her partner helped still Ruby. Make the tide flow back out and the vice around her throat loosen.

She’d always thought Weiss was beautiful. Thinking she was an angel kinda gave that away. The day Yang and Weiss had come back, though? When Ruby had half a mind to take her face out of Yang’s shoulder and look up, the sight she found was one of the most beautifully heartbreaking of her life.

There was Weiss, all alone. Confliction naked on her face, not wanting to interrupt the family reunion, but also desperately wanting to be involved. Worrying over overstepping her bounds. Worried of invading a moment meant only for family.

“ _ You dork, you’re family too.” _

Ruby would always remember that thought, the day Weiss cemented her place in Ruby’s heart. She kicked herself for not saying it out loud, but then again it may have ruined the mood. Either way, when her and Yang opened up the hug for Weiss to join, Weiss hesitated for only a second before crossing the distance at a speed that would have made Ruby’s semblance proud. 

The way Weiss’s arms wrapped around her, as if Ruby was everything Weiss had been missing for the past six months...Ruby was determined to preserve that. To make sure Weiss would never have to be alone again. 

…

Weiss was one of the most important people in Ruby’s life, if not  _ the _ most important person. She was her partner, her Best Teammate. Even as mismatched as they were when the first met, they were the Perfect Pair. 

_ “No, I’m  _ **_angry._ ** _ ” _

And that was what  _ terrified her. _

Everything in Ruby’s life was centered around this idea that people were  _ good. _ Sure, there was a lot of evil in the world, and a lot of people who were evil too. That’s what the Huntsmen and Huntresses were there for though, to make the world a better place. That’s what Ruby was there for. She always tried to see the silver lining, to see the best in people. Everyone had something good within them, something worth saving. That’s what she fought for, that’s what she built Crescent Rose for. That’s why she wore her cloak and her smile, so she could push back the darkness and make the world brighter, right?

But…

When Jaune had the opportunity, he’d tried to kill Cinder. All his training, all his heart, all his light, gone in a blink. It’d been sloppy, stupid. For an instant, all he’d wanted, all he’d thought of, was hurting Cinder.

But that wasn’t what scared her. If that was it, her course would be obvious. Get Jaune to talk about it, work it out with him, help him to be better. It wouldn’t be  _ easy _ , but Ruby could handle the stress. Even if it hurt her to hear him talk about it, she could bear it.

A whimper escaped her, and she stomped down on it.

No, what scared her was that she  _ understood _ .

Because...Cinder had killed Pyrrha. Jaune’s partner. Jaune’s Best Teammate. Jaune was supposed to have Pyrrha’s back.

And…Ruby was supposed to have Weiss’s.

_ A spear whipped through the air, a javelin, faster than Ruby’s brain could process what she was seeing _ .

And…

And-

_ Weiss _ .

She hiccuped,  _ loudly _ . 

_ Damnit _ .

She was going to cry.

She had to leave, she’d wake Blake up. She couldn’t wake Blake up, Blake deserved to sleep.

Ruby could, she could deal with it. She had to. She couldn’t cry here, she had to keep the peace for Blake to sleep.

Hand pressed hard against her lips to muffle her voice, Ruby stumbled as quietly and quickly to the door as she could, harsh breaths sucked in through her fingers. As her vision blurred, she fumbled the door open and stepped into the hallway.

The door was closed by the time the first sob came.

“ _ Her semblance is speed _ .”

_ I wasn’t fast enough to save Pyrrha. _

_ I wasn’t- _

_ I’m so sorry Weiss. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 isn't done yet, but I have a really solid plan for how I want it to go! University willing, I'll be able to have it done by next Saturday. Failing that, it'll be done as soon as possible, I'm now officially prioritizing it above all my other ongoing projects. If you enjoyed this or have thoughts you want to share or just want to yell at me for the cliffhanger, please leave a review! They motivate me to keep writing and will definitely help me get Chapter 3 out on-schedule!
> 
> -Order


	3. We're Drifting Ever Backwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 ended up being monstrously huge so I decided to split it up into two chapters!

**_And finally: Blake Belladonna. Ruby Rose. Weiss Schnee. Yang Xiao Long. The four of you retrieved the white knight pieces. From this day forward, you will work together as Team RWBY. Led by...Ruby Rose._ **

Crying is supposed to clear you out, Ruby thought. Like how rushing water keeps the riverbed clean, that’s what crying is supposed to do for your emotions, right?

Well, it wasn’t working.

But it was...something, she guessed. 

Gods, she was pathetic. Running off in the middle of the night to cry like some kind of kid. Some leader she turned out to be.

The thought was accompanied by another wheezing inhale and another contraction of her chest, forcing out yet another rough sob.

Everything was blurring together and her head hurt. A glance at her scroll told her it was just past midnight. Everyone was asleep in their rooms around the house, and that was her only solace tonight. She curled closer around herself, doing her best to muffle the sounds coming up from her chest, past her heart that felt like it was in her throat. She couldn’t, the most important thing right now was that she get ahold of herself and  _ not wake anyone up _ .

Ruby clung to that thought like it was her only lifeline in a tumultuous sea, harsh waves threatening to roll her and drag her underneath.

This wasn’t  _ right _ , what was she  _ doing? _ She needed to be active, she needed to be  _ planning _ . Who knew what Salem would do next? Who she would try and take from them next? They didn’t even know if Cinder was alive for Brothers’ sakes, how was she supposed to plan anything! Salem had the freaking  _ headmaster of Haven Academy _ in her pocket, how- how were they supposed to fight someone who could  _ do _ that?

The Academies were humanity’s bastions against the darkness, that’s what Ruby had always been told. They were the things that stood between the people of Remnant and the Grimm, and one of them was  _ working _ with Salem?! 

How! How was she supposed to plan against that! How could she fight someone with seemingly infinite resources, infinite reach?! It was so  _ unfair! _

How-

She sobbed.

How was she supposed to keep them safe, if  _ that _ was who she was up against?

She was  _ supposed _ to be their Leader! She was  _ supposed  _ to be a paragon,  _ supposed _ to be the one who kept her friends safe! That’s who she was  **_supposed_ ** to be! That’s who  _ Ruby  _ was supposed to be!

She curled in on herself, stomach cramping from the bitter poison flowing from her heart and mind. She was doing her best, fighting with everything she had, fighting  _ so  _ **_hard_ ** **.** And she couldn’t even protect her friends.

_ The first person you make eye contact with after landing will be your partner for the next four years. _

The room unfocused as tears filled in her eyes. The Mistralli decor blurred together in the moonlight and for a second she was back in Haven’s foyer.

She remembered the sounds, the voices barking out with the gunfire. Jaune had been shouting, Cinder shouting back. Ruby had been crossing scythes with Emerald. 

They had been  _ friends _ back at Beacon. Her and Emerald hadn’t been close, but Ruby had at least thought-

It didn’t matter what she thought, it had all been a lie anyways. All a lie.

At the time, the memory had brought about an anger unlike any Ruby had felt before. It had boiled in her, viscous and toxic. She’d seen Cinder about to overtake Jaune, his instability making him forget nearly everything Pyrrha had taught him. Then, Weiss had screamed, a pair of gunshots ringing out and the shrill sound of Aura breaking. Her anger at Emerald was replaced by a cold, frantic fear. Something had happened. Something Ruby couldn’t really remember. A rush of energy at once familiar and alien. Her eyes had  _ burned _ . 

Adrenaline soaked every inch of Ruby as the silver of her eyes burst alight. She knew that the people she loved were in danger. She knew that, felt the fear and the fury and the  _ need _ to help them. Weiss’s aura was down, she was hurt, she was  _ in danger. _

In that moment, Ruby’s world had narrowed down. Salem didn’t exist, the Maidens and the Brothers and the Four Kingdoms didn’t exist. Even Jaune, one of Ruby’s closest friends, faded into the background. There was no Atlas, no Relics, there was nothing on Remnant but Weiss and Ruby, and  _ threats _ . She’d seen Pyrrha, and she’d understood. They needed help, she  _ needed to protect them _ .

But she’d let herself be distracted, she’d lost track of Emerald. In the instant before Ruby could rush to the aid of her friends, to have her partner’s back like she was  _ supposed to _ , something had happened. A hard impact to her head. From what, she didn’t know, but probably Emerald. It had left a knot on her head that ached even now as she curled in on herself tighter, hoping that maybe if she could become small enough she’d just stop existing altogether, that the cushions of the couch would swallow her up and take her guilt away.

Haven’s foyer had given way to a thick inky blackness. When it faded back in and she regained consciousness, her head throbbed like she’d been shot, pounding hard enough to make her dizzy. Her eyes cracked open and she was immediately bombarded with information. The room was much emptier, though the clash of steel-on-steel and the occasional gunshot still rang out, filling the room with Conflict, but Cinder was gone. Raven and Vernal were as well. She’d realized then what had happened. She’d let herself be knocked out, made a mistake. She had no idea how long she had been out of the fight, so she needed to take stock of it, figure out what was happening and where she was needed. Steeling herself for the influx of light this time, she forced her eyes open again and scanned the room.

Then, that grand hall shrank down to a single point. 

She would take it to her grave, the first time she saw Weiss. Framed against the bluest blue sky Ruby had ever seen, standing over her with hair the color freshly fallen snow and eyes somehow an even more perfect than the blue sky above them.

She would always remember blinking blearily awake one night, a question ringing in her ears, “ _ How do you take your coffee? _ ” The sight of Weiss standing there, steaming mug in hand and a promise in her eyes, that she would be the best teammate Ruby would ever have.

And always,  _ always _ , Ruby would remember the Battle of Beacon. The sour taste of watching Roman Torchwick die, the horror of what was happening around her, the desperate fear for the safety of her friends, her  _ family _ , all parting like the dark of night before the rising sun as she saw her partner. Tired and panting, but  _ alive _ . Their eyes met over a field strewn with fallen Grimm and dones - the Green, she dimly realized, where they’d sit and study whenever the library got too stuffy - and immediately closing the distance between them. Meeting in the middle with her hands outstretched, relief and worry in equal parts in those gorgeous blue eyes. Then, immediately, she was ready to follow Ruby back into the fray, despite the exhaustion and the fear. She was determined to have Ruby’s back.

She had meant it. Weiss  _ was  _ Ruby’s best teammate. She always had been. Always would be. They had each other’s backs. They  _ had each other’s backs! _

She would always,  _ always  _ remember those memories. Of blinking her eyes open and having her vision filled by her partner. By Weiss.

She would always remember those times, but  _ this _ time?

She would never be able to  _ forget  _ it. Not for as long as she lived nor as hard as she tried.

Laying on her back, flesh a sickly pale. A pool of Red coloring the floor beneath her; Weiss’s life spilling out from her body and threatening to take away the most precious thing in Ruby’s world. Ruby had watched Pyrrha’s final breath leave her. The gasp as Cinder’s arrow took her life. There was a moment before Cinder burned her away that Ruby had seen for weeks after: the light leaving those kind green eyes, her body falling so still, so incredibly still. And there was Weiss, her chest didn’t move, her arms didn’t shift. Just, terrifyingly still, just like Pyrrha had been.

Something twisted and cramped inside of her, an emotion like the  _ click _ a landmine made just before it exploded.

_ Weiss _ …

“...Ruby?”

The foyer and the Red and the anger and shame and guilt parted for a moment, like a breath of air gasped from between the waves. Ruby wasn’t alone.

Panic filled her heart, wild, desperate. She couldn’t let anyone see her like this, she was, she wasn’t supposed to-

Ruby forced it down as hard as she could, pressing with all the strength she should have had at Beacon, at Haven.

The strength she should have used to save Pyrrha, to save  _ Weiss _ .

The thought didn’t help, but she shoved it down too, drowning it. Her voice was thick when she tried to speak, too thick for the words to come out. She sat up quickly, praying to whoever would listen that the deep shadows of the room would hide away how swollen her eyes were, “O-oh, hey, Weiss.”

Her voice cracked, and fear tightened in her chest. Weiss couldn’t know, gods if she knew just how broken she was, she’d never trust her as a Leader again. None of them would.

Maybe they shouldn’t?

Shut up!

Blue eyes blinked blearily, struggling to see through the dark shadows that blanketed the room, her voice betrayed a hint of tiredness, “What are you…” she seemed to reconsider her words. Ruby could only tell that Weiss shook her head in the darkness because of the way her hair caught the scant moonlight “...doing up?”

“Oh, you know…” Ruby said, trying to add the sheepish tone to her words that always gave Weiss that peculiar smile that she only showed when Ruby did something silly, “Figured I’d sit in here and...practice my night vision…?” She didn’t know how well she sold it, the words having to move past the knot and an ache in her throat, either of which could have betrayed her.

Weiss was silent for a second, two seconds. Too long to be a natural pause in the conversation. Then, she said, “Ruby, your eyes aren’t muscles, they don’t get better with training.”

Okay, that was something. Just, maybe if she kept talking the pain in her stomach like coiled brambles would go away, “Well, I-I know that, but I figured maybe I could like...get better at figuring out what I’m looking at?”

Weiss shook her head again, hair swishing in the darkness like a Halo. She laughed a bit, lightly, but something sounded...off about it. Stiff.

Like a corpse.

_ Stop it. _

It was so rare that she got to see Weiss with her hair down anymore. Back at Beacon it’d been a regular occurrence, what with them sharing a room and everything. Even when Weiss had become more open and comfortable with team RWBY, she’d always been a bit tightly-strung. Mostly around other people.

Ruby never really cared what other people thought. Sure, it’d give her anxiety if she felt out-of-place, but in general she didn’t mind other people. Unlike her, Weiss would never be seen out in the halls or the common room of their dorm’s floor in her pajamas or casual clothes, or anything other than her uniform or combat gear really. Something about being in Public made her so self-conscious that she always had to be  _ completely _ presentable, Ruby guessed it had something to do with being kinda-sorta famous.

It was kind of sad, but after a month or two, Weiss felt comfortable enough in Team RWBY’s dorm room to at least not  _ immediately _ change out of her nightclothes upon waking up, at least on days when they didn’t have class. 

When Yang and Weiss both appeared in the middle of the safehouse’s living room, they’d opted to share the one remaining free bedroom rather than impose themselves on someone who’d already had a room to themself. It was...fine, Ruby honestly wasn’t jealous or anything, but she couldn’t say that she didn’t miss sharing a room with her partner. It was...nice seeing her with her hair down, with her guard down. It made Ruby feel like Weiss trusted her.

She’d betrayed that trust.

The intrusive thought shook the already-crumbling foundations keeping Ruby’s emotional state stable. She pressed her lips together and bit her tongue hard enough that it threatened to bleed.

Thinking about Weiss usually helped calm her down, ground her. Weiss reminded her of Team RWBY, of the best parts of their little family. Reminded her what she was fighting for. It was one of the most absurdly amazing things in Ruby’s life, that Weiss had managed to worm into every facet of her. Not every thought was about her partner, but every thought seemed close, like she was just around the corner. Ruby was happy about it, she really was, it was everything she had ever hoped her best friend would be. Weiss was...brave and kind, honest.

And Ruby was supposed to protect her.

She was  _ supposed to have her back. _

It was her  _ job _ .

Her  _ responsibility _ .

She was  _ The Leader. _

She didn’t deserve to be around her like this anymore. Weiss should only let her guard down around people she could rely on, people she could trust. Not people who dropped their guard in the middle of a fight and got their friends killed.

Ruby flinched when Weiss moved. It wasn’t a sudden movement, nor a threatening one. In fact, Ruby could barely even see it in the darkness. But it made her flinch regardless. It was only then that Ruby realized they’d been sitting in an awkward silence for several seconds, the sound only filled with Ruby’s breathing, which rattled in her ears almost loud enough to cover the thudding of her heart. A thin sheen of sweat had built on her skin, making her pajama tank feel sticky and cold.

She forced her breathing to quiet down as Weiss walked around the couch she was sitting on, until her breath was so shallow as to be functionally nothing. Weiss was so close, a matter of feet separating her from figuring out just how fragile her leader really was. She couldn’t let Weiss know, she just- she  _ couldn’t _ . Even as her lungs began to sting and twist, begging for more air to fuel the sobbs they were trying to push out, Ruby forced her mouth shut. Not a peep.

A tear slipped through her sore eyes. Whether from the guilt or the lack of air, she didn’t know.

Ruby counted the seconds as Weiss walked past her into the kitchen. There was the sound of glass clinking, followed by the hissing of the faucet. That was alright, Weiss was just...getting water. She’d be back in bed in no time, and Ruby could...she could be alone again.

Weiss would be better off without her anyway.

Something choked in her throat, desperate. A sound slipped out.

“Hm?” Weiss hummed, from the kitchen.

“Nothing,” Ruby said quickly, hoping against hope that only she could hear the roughness of her own voice, “Just- just choked on my spit!” That sounded like a ‘Ruby’ thing to do, right? Those dorky things she did without meaning to that made Weiss smile?

Weiss didn’t respond, and Ruby’s frown deepened in the shadows.

She felt something like relief when Weiss finally left the kitchen. Just a little longer, she just had to stay quiet a little longer and Weiss would be back in bed and Ruby could be alone-

_ Cli-clink _ .

Weiss sat heavily on the couch next to her, two glasses of water neatly placed on the coffee table.

Oh, oh  _ no _ .

What, why would she…?

Weiss sighed, a sound Ruby had heard probably a million times before. In the quiet, sleeping house the sound seemed to fill the room. “Ruby, why are you really awake?”

_ She knows _ .

Ruby panicked, forcing herself to sit up straighter, trying to put out a front of calm. The Leader was supposed to be in control, right? She tried, tried so  _ hard _ to put something casual into her voice, but there wasn’t much she could do about how scratchy her throat was or how hard it was to speak with this tight, writhing thing in her chest, “Oh, y-you know. It’s been a rough week, I’m still kinda wired is all.” She considered reaching out and drinking from the proffered cup as a way to stall for time, but she doubted her trembling hands could pick it up without spilling it, so instead she suggested, “Which is why you should get some sleep.” Without meaning to, Ruby’s eyes tracked the thin sliver of moonlight that cut across Weiss’s nightgown, eyes fixing on that spot right above her right hip, “You need to...,” her throat closed for a second, something in her shuddering, “...rest up, after what- what happened.”

There was a beat where Weiss didn’t move, and Ruby found herself anxiously drumbing her fingers on her thigh, the soft cloth of her familiar pair of pajama pants doing little to distract her from the tension she could feel behind her eyes, threatening to rupture her brittle facade.

“Nope.”

Weiss said it almost flippantly, popping the ‘P’ in the way Ruby liked to say it.

“W-what?” she said, dumbly.

“Nope.”

Stupid, stubborn little-

Frustration added itself to the volatile cocktail of emotions swirling in her gut, “Weiss, you  _ do _ need to rest. We have no idea if you’re actually- actually healed all the way.”

“Nope.”

Something firm entered her voice, “ _ Weiss- _ ”

“Ruby, I’m not going to leave until you talk to me. You can take as long as you need to, we can sit here until dawn if you’d like, but I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s the matter.”

Of course. Of course the one time,  _ the one time _ she wanted to be by herself, Weiss wouldn’t leave her alone. One of her hands tightened into a fist and the other squeezed her thigh, the newly familiar anger at least giving her something to focus on that wasn’t the crushing guilt. The tension in her arms caused every muscle in them to tighten uncomfortably, the ache from spending so much time swinging her scythe around making itself known again. It reminded her of fighting, of the lies and the betrayals from Emerald and Lionheart. Of the look of apathy on Cinder’s face when Jaune accused her of killing Pyrrha. 

Ruby wondered if she’d had the same expression when she had tried to kill Weiss. When she had functionally succeded in it.

It grew, something bitter, like the crack of a whip. Anger.

Dimly, Ruby realized the ache in her back and the scowl on her lips, the tension running through her shoulders briefly distracting her from the guilt in her heart. She wanted to hurt Cinder, wanted to show her what it felt like when someone  _ took _ from you, made you hurt.

She wanted to kill Cinder.

Oh, so you’re a killer now? Is that the leader the team needs, some bitter angry wreck who’s only solution to a problem was at the end of a gun? Is that what Dad taught you? What  _ Mom _ wanted of you?

Movement jolted her from the roiling ocean that threatened to drown her as Weiss shifted in her seat. With a start, a cold wave of guilt doused the anger: She had been scowling at Weiss, had been  _ angry _ with her. She was only trying to help, Ruby had no right to be angry with her for not leaving her alone. After all, Ruby wouldn’t if the situation had been reversed.

But, she had, hadn’t she? Just two days ago, Ruby hadn’t been there when Weiss needed her, and Weiss had almost died for it.

Her thoughts were cyclical, they just kept coming back to Haven, no matter how much she tried to stop it, how much she tried to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel, it was always just  _ Haven _ . Ruby was supposed to be the one who found the light in the darkness, the one who clung to the happy memories and cheered everyone up! But, every memory was dark, drawn back to Haven and Beacon, Weiss and Pyrrha and Penny, like a moth to the flame that would burn it away. The light in the dark was fading.

After nearly a full minute of silence between them, Weiss spoke, oblivious to the battle going on in Ruby’s head, “Ruby, come on. Just talk to me?” Her voice was soft, delicate in the darkness, like crystal-glass.

It was everything Ruby could do to wrestle herself into a state that she trusted her own voice, “Really Weiss, I-I’m  _ fine _ .” Her voice cracked halfway through it.

She couldn’t see Weiss’s eyes clearly through the darkness, but she could recognize that stern tone of voice anywhere, “Ruby.”

It was the way you talked to a spoiled kid who wouldn’t eat their broccoli. It sparked off of one of the many raw, jagged edges in Ruby’s heart right now and the frustration was back in force. She was supposed to be the leader, why couldn’t Weiss understand that? Why couldn’t she just- just- “Just  _ leave me alone  _ already!”

Her voice was tight, far too tight, and there was a venom in it that tasted like paint thinner on her tongue.

Weiss flinched away, and Ruby’s heart lurched. Her hand came up to rub at her face, hard, tears threatening to spill over again as waves of shame crashed over her, drowning the anger. First Haven, now this? Shouting at the one person she was supposed to trust, that trusted Ruby to stay calm with her?

She sighed, trying to ignore the scratchiness in her voice, knowing Weiss could hear it but knowing she couldn’t hold this back much longer, “Look, I just...it’s just been a rough week. I’ll be fine Weiss, you shouldn’t have to worry about me.”

Her long white hair  _ swished _ in the darkness again, signifying that Weiss had shaken her head and dropping a lead weight into Ruby’s gut, “It isn’t about what I should or shouldn’t have to do, Ruby. I  _ want _ you to talk to me about...whatever this is.”

It should have helped, Ruby knew it. Back at Beacon, all she’d wanted was for Weiss to want to talk to her. It didn’t, though. It only made her feel worse. 

Ruby brought her bare feet up onto the couch, bringing her knees up against her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Her walls were cracked. Weiss was so  _ nice _ now, so earnest. She didn’t need Ruby dragging her down, ruining Weiss’s day by whining about her guilt, “It’s just…” she took a deep breath, and could do nothing for the shuddering in her lungs, “It...it’s just not something you need to worry about, okay? It’s my problem, not yours.”

There was a long period of silence, tense and uncomfortable. Weiss looked at her, trying to peer through the darkness. They could only see vague silhouettes of each other, but Ruby could tell from her demeanor that Weiss’s hackles rose, that same sense that let them have what felt like entire conversations in silence. Every second that ticked by with no response from Weiss compounded the anxiety building in her like the last few seconds on a bomb’s detonator. She just needed Weiss to  _ leave _ . All she needed was tonight to be miserable, and she’d find a way to push it down and hide it again. This was still salvageable, she’d...she’d make pancakes in the morning! Enough for everybody, that would convince Weiss. Even if it killed her inside, she’d laugh while she did it. She’d go back to being the happy-go-lucky leader they expected her to be.

After nearly a full minute of sitting in the dark room in silence, a deep sigh, like it came from the bottom of Weiss’s soul, broke the quiet, and Weiss’s arms came up before dropping down to her thighs in apparent defeat, “Alright, if you won’t talk, I will.”

Huh?

The confusion was almost enough to distract her from the way her ribcage seemed to press in on her lungs. “What are you…?”

“Ruby, I...my home wasn’t the best place to grow up.”

That was all it took for Ruby’s lips to press into a thin line. That was one of Those Topics, the ones no one mentioned, the taboo ones. You didn’t mention Blake’s time in the White Fang, you didn’t talk about what happened to Yang at the Fall of Beacon, and you didn’t ask Weiss about her childhood. Everyone knew enough about Those Topics that asking more would only force them to relive old problems. They all knew Weiss' family life was  _ not good _ , and that was all they  _ needed  _ to know. Weiss never gave any more details, always said that it was in the past and didn’t matter, and so no one asked her to elaborate. She didn’t talk about her childhood,  _ ever _ .

But tonight, her voice filled the room like a siren’s song, dangerous and beautiful, “When I was little,  _ really _ little, things were good, I think. Winter was going to be the Heiress, my parents were happy enough. Whitley was still a baby,” She said with a bit of a laugh, airy and without much humor. “That all changed at some point. I can’t remember what started it, I was too little. One day, everything was fine, and the next I was listening to my parents screaming at each other.”

Ruby’s mouth felt dry, and her heart ached for an entirely different reason than before. She’d assumed Weiss hadn’t had the best home life and knew her dad was...less than nice, but she never expected to know more than that. She listened closely, everything else falling away for just a second, her guilt and shame and anger seeming all at once much less important than her partner sitting next to her.

Weiss toyed with the hem of her nightgown in the darkness, her hand illuminated by one of the scant slivers of moonlight slipping through the far window of the living room, “I would lay in bed at night, not knowing whether to cover my ears and hide or listen closer so that I could understand why they were so angry at each other.” She laughed again, this time entirely humorless, “I never did either. I would just lay in bed in the dead of night, awake, listening. Sometimes they’d just stop. Others, the door would slam and one of them would storm off.”

Tremblingly, Ruby’s lips parted, “I-I’m so-”

Weiss shook her head, silencing Ruby, “I’m not done, let me finish?” The sentence was framed as a question, making it clear that Ruby could talk if she really needed to, but Weiss wanted to say her piece.

Ruby wasn’t about to stop her, even if she did have something to say other than sympathetic apologies, “No, you can keep going…”

Weiss nodded, and took a deep, steadying breath, “I...um, It was bad for both of them. My parents, I mean. They each became worse after they started fighting. I don’t know which was worse than the other. Father was always so  _ angry _ , everything had to be perfect, exactly the way he wanted it or he would snap. We learned very quickly to...avoid him, when he got into one of his moods.”

Ruby wanted to speak up, desperately so. She wanted to know what Weiss meant by ‘snap’, why they felt the need to avoid their own dad. Already her gut twisted and that same anger that before had only been directed at Cinder began to spread, given a new name. But, Ruby didn’t speak up, didn’t want to derail Weiss. Whatever this was, she needed to get it out of her, share it with someone. Even if it made Ruby  _ rot _ with anger, she’d listen. She’d always listen.    
  


Weiss sighed, her shoulders sagging and her head turning away from Ruby to gaze listlessly into the darkness, “I loved my parents, Ruby. Every child does at that age. I loved them so  _ much _ , I couldn’t understand how they could be so angry at each other. Parents...to a child that young, they are the foundation of your life.” Weiss paused, her breath shuddered but her voice was steady, convicted in a way Ruby couldn’t help but admire, “They’re your whole world, and mine...I slept in the room across from theirs. I was forced, night after night, to listen to their incessant screaming. Then, one day, they stopped.”

The lump in Ruby’s throat made swallowing difficult, but Ruby reached out and drained half of her glass of water anyway before asking, “Did...did it get any better?”

A sardonic smile split Weiss’s lips, white teeth like bones in a grave, and she shook her head, “No, it didn’t. They reached an impasse. They never fixed whatever had broken in their relationship, just agreed to stay together because anything else would be a scandal in the papers. My father stole my mother’s legacy, became embittered and controlling, and my mother became a caged bird, and drank herself half-blind most nights.”

“Weiss...I had no idea…” Ruby said, her own problems seeming so very small compared to Weiss’s, as if she hadn’t also come from a broken home, as if she hadn’t lived through the death of her own mom and watched the grief nearly choke the life out of her dad. Weiss’s problems  _ mattered _ , her own were just...life.

Weiss sighed, rubbing at her face with one hand while the other picked up her own glass, taking a long drink from the cool water. Her next question was strangely pointed, sharp with hidden intent, “Do you know what the worst part was?” 

Ruby wasn’t sure she wanted to, but if Weiss needed to say it, she would bear it, “What?”

“My mother,” Weiss began, that ugly, joyless smile that had no place on her face was back on her lips, “was always so proud. After their marriage began to break down, so too did that pride I held in such high esteem. Her and my grandfather were everything I wanted to be when I grew up, and I just had to watch as she crumbled.” 

“I’m so-”

Weiss cut her off, something almost...tight or stressed entering her voice; she spoke fast, “And she would...she’d come into my room at night, stinking of...liquor and tears, and pet my hair like I was one of her pets, and I would  _ beg her _ ,” Weiss’s shoulders hunched forward, and Ruby’s heart ached, “to let me do something, to help her, to help my Father, to help them both be  _ happy _ .”

“Weiss-”

Her hair whipped as she turned to Ruby, an intensity to those cold blue eyes that cut through the darkness like Myrtenaster through a Beowolf’s hide, “and she would look me in the eye, while I was crying and begging for some way,  _ any _ way to fix the broken part of our family that was hurting me so much, and do you know what she would say to me?”

Ruby’s lips pressed into a thin line, “What?”

“She would say that it  _ wasn’t my problem _ ,” Weiss seethed, years of repressed frustration bubbling up, “Like their screaming didn’t keep me up for hours on end, like seeing them so angry didn’t make me feel like I was dying inside, as if their relationship was somehow in a vacuum to the rest of our family. She would look down at me and say ‘do not worry about it’, as if I could simply  _ stop caring _ about the people that I love.”

Her voice caught in her throat, a horrible revelation dawning on her, “Oh, Weiss, I didn’t mean-”

Weiss shook her head again, eyes never leaving Ruby’s, “I know that you don’t want me to worry, but whether you tell me what’s the matter or not, I  _ care _ about you, Ruby.” Her voice shifted, became less tight. It wasn’t angry, wasn’t accusatory like it was when she talked about her parents, just...earnest and pleading, “And it hurts more than anything you could possibly tell me to devalue my feelings like that. It  _ is _ something I should worry about, because whatever it is, it’s hurting you.”

Weiss’s hand moved, flinched, hesitated, and then she commited. It crossed the distance and found Ruby’s hand, still coiled tightly into a fist, and squeezed it, “I promised you that I would be your best teammate. We’re  _ partners _ , Ruby,” she said the word like it was sacrosanct, like a promise, “I learned how to stop caring once, I  _ refuse _ to do it again. I  _ want  _ to worry about you and your problems, so please, don’t tell me that how I feel doesn’t matter.”

She had been so much warmer since showing up in Mistral, Ruby thought, but physical affection was always something Weiss flinched away from. Sure, she’d give the occasional shoulder-touch or accept a hug when offered, but Weiss almost never initiated anything. Doubly so when it was spontaneous, the idea of touch as comfort seemed a wholly foriegn concept to her. With anyone else, leaning forward to take someone’s hand would be completely unremarkable. With Weiss? It was  _ so much _ .

Ruby’s brows bunched together, a pained expression taking her face. It should have comforted her, the hand covering her own, it should have told her ‘everything’s going to be alright’, but it  _ burned _ . Like being given a gold medal for a contest you cheated in. She didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve Weiss’s trust or care or worry. 

But...she also couldn’t bring herself to deny what Weiss was asking for. Whether she deserved it or not, Weiss had given Ruby her trust. After a moment, Weiss took her hand back and asked again, “So, I’ll ask one more time. If you really don’t want to talk to me, I’ll leave you alone, but I’m going to keep worrying about you until we’re old and gray, I swear that to you, Ruby Rose. Never ask me not to. Now,” she leaned towards Ruby, something terribly endearing in the way she spoke, “will you  _ please,  _ tell me what’s wrong?”

That was it, that was her out. Weiss never lied about things like this, she  _ would _ leave her alone for the night if she asked her to. Ruby could fix herself, that’s what she was supposed to do. One night alone and she’d be able to press everything down again. She’d be up bright and early and convince Ren to help her make pancakes for everyone, put on a bright smile and really sell it. She had a plan, for the first time since Lionheart betrayed them, she had a plan.

But instead of following it, Ruby squeezed her eyes closed, lips trembling as she breathed out, “I...I’m scared, Weiss.”

And it was true, it was the most true thing she’d said all day, and knowing that made her want to throw up.

Weiss was patient, as she always was ever since they reunited. She sat in silence, no doubt listening to Ruby’s faintly ragged breathing. Eventually, she prompted, “Go on…”

Ruby’s lungs felt like they were filling with concrete, and a sudden, violent fit overtook her. She shook her head, kicking her feet out from being curled underneath her to rest flat on the floor, her hands resting on her knees and her body rocking forward with the sudden motion, “No, I-I shouldn’t be telling you about this.”

Weiss moved in the darkness, perhaps extending a hand before rethinking the motion and drawing it back. After a beat of silence, “Why not?”

Because saying it out loud would make it real. Because in her head, Ruby could pretend it was all fake, she could tell herself it was just a mood and it would pass and keep pretending she really was the person that she was supposed to be: Their Leader, the Hero, with her Silver Eyes. Because saying it aloud would shatter the fragile wall of glass that was all that stood between Ruby and collapse. Because there were very  _ real  _ threats out there that were against them, and it was Ruby’s job to fight them, not to sit here crying like a child. Because it was silly and stupid and pointless. Because - because… “Because it’s not  _ right _ ,” she eventually spat, like a mouthful of blood.

Silence filled the room again, the only sound being the quiet hum of the fridge in the kitchen. Weiss’s voice was soft and sounded like safety, “Why, though? What makes it not right, Ruby?”

Ruby couldn’t look at those wide, trusting eyes anymore. Back at Beacon, when Weiss was guarded and constantly pretending to be the perfect human being, all Ruby had wanted was to see her relaxed, with her guard down. Now that she had it, now that Weiss was comfortable enough with Ruby to  _ let  _ her guard down, now that Weiss  _ trusted  _ Ruby...Ruby didn’t trust herself. She turned away, staring at the calluses that had formed on her palms over the last six months of swinging Crescent Rose around, “It’s  _ dumb _ , Weiss. I don’t...this isn't anything worth making a fuss over.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, you dolt. Just  _ tell me _ .”

Ruby shook her head again, hard enough to cause an ache in her neck to accompany the one in her throat. She sucked in a shaky breath, trying not to focus on the way it felt like she was rattling apart, “Blake and Yang are so...tense.”

Weiss was quiet again, and had Ruby been looking at her she might have been able to pick up on Weiss’s body language, but as it was, Ruby’s eyes didn’t leave the roughened skin on her hands, even as Weiss spoke, “Is that what this is about?”

Ruby didn’t answer her question, continuing without really meaning to. Like a leak in a dam belying the millions of tonnes of water behind it, Ruby’s voice was quiet, “On the way here, we passed through Ren and Nora’s home town. It’d been ransacked by Grimm, all the people had been killed. We had to fight the Nuckelavee that had killed Ren’s family.”

Weiss, obviously taken aback by the unexpected and grim change in topic, simply said , “Oh.”

Ruby didn’t wait for her to form a more coherent response, continuing on lest she lose her stomach, “I woke up one night on the road and found Jaune listening to a video of…” brothers, she hated how hard it was just to say her name, “ _..Pyrrha _ . He lost it the other day when Cinder showed up, you saw what seeing her did to him.” Her forearms rested across her thighs more heavily as she rocked forward, her upward-facing hands curling into loose fists for a second, the soreness in her grip painfully obvious.

“Ruby, you can’t-”

Ruby cut her off, something she’d never have done in any other situation, “Yang still hasn’t  _ really _ gotten over what happened at Beacon. She’s gotten a lot better, but not as good as she pretends she is. I can tell when she’s faking being better than she actually feels.” She didn’t let herself acknowledge the fact that she wasn’t doing anything different.

This time, Weiss was silent, waiting for Ruby to finish.

She opened her hands again, running her thumbs across the row of calluses, trying in vain to remember how long it’d been since she’d had any lotion to use, “Blake’s back, and she’s hurting too, and I don’t even know what about. Her and Yang have  _ so much _ to deal with.” her voice started to tighten again, and the sight of her hands in the moonlight began to blur as unshed tears collected in her eyes.

“You’ve got your family situation, Brothers, it must have been so  _ awful _ being stuck up there in Atlas alone again-” her voice cracked, threatening to become another sob, “I-I’m  _ sorry _ , I wanted to go up to Atlas first and try and get you, but we knew something was happening in Mistral and with the embargo we couldn’t get an airship and-”

“It’s okay,” Weiss said, an urgent tone to her voice, “It’s fine, I managed-”

Ruby shook her head, bitterly. One hand suddenly curled into a tight fist and came down with force on the thigh it had been pressed against, “No, it  _ isn’t _ , I was supposed to be there for you!”

In the wake of the unexpected shout, the silence was deafening, pressing in around Ruby like the darkness that threatened to snuff out the light. Just before it completely overtook her, Weiss broke the silence pensively, “Ruby, what’s this about?  _ Really _ about?”

She fisted her hands into the fabric of her pajama pants, watching the soft cloth crumple. She breathed a few slow, rattling breaths as she struggled to hold back the flood of emotions she was determined to not let Weiss see. “You’ve all…” She had to stop to suck in another deep breath, “You all have so  _ much _ going on.” She did her best to steel herself. It hurt, it hurt so much to say aloud, but she needed Weiss to know. Ruby appreciated that Weiss was trying to help her, but she needed to understand that it wasn’t that Ruby didn’t trust her, but instead that Ruby’s problems weren’t  _ real _ . “I  **don’t** . I’m  _ fine _ , Weiss.” She said it as bluntly as possible, forcing the words out despite the tightness of her throat, “You all have so much against you and I-I want to - I  _ need _ to help!”

When Weiss spoke, her voice was soft again, and Ruby couldn’t help but hear it as pity, “Oh, Ruby...”

_ “No!”  _ Ruby said, hands balling harder, until her knuckles were white and her eyes pricked with tears, “You all have so many reasons to give up, to sit down and cry, but you- You don’t! You guys keep fighting, you keep pushing, keep moving forward, despite everything!” She couldn’t stop it now, the dam was cracking and she couldn’t cover all the leaks anymore, “I’m su-supposed to help you! I’m supposed to be there for you guys and keep you safe, and I’m sitting here crying like a dumb  _ kid! _ My life isn’t a  _ tenth _ as hard as yours is,and  _ I’m _ the one crying…” she had to stop as a rough hiccup forced its way through her throat, and a few tears fell down to wet the cotton of her pants. She made herself stop, she’d already said too much, far too much.

Weiss was silent for a few moments, digesting everything Ruby had said and hopefully,  _ hopefully _ understanding why she needed to leave Ruby alone. When she did speak, it was with an eerie tone of voice that Ruby had never heard before, “Ruby, look at me.” Then, after Ruby shook her head, she added, “Please?”

With a sigh, Ruby turned her head towards Weiss. In the darkness, she couldn’t make out much. A faint silhouette of platinum hair and sky-blue eyes hidden by a veil of darkness. Then, she spoke, “You keep talking about how hard my life is, Ruby, but I grew up in luxury. I had more money than anyone on the planet, all my needs were catered to. I never had to worry about hot food, or clean clothes, or a roof over my head. Anything I wanted, all I needed was to ask and I would have it. I was born with everything I would ever need.”

That didn’t  _ matter _ , though. Her family was hunted by one of Remnant’s largest terrorist organizations, her relationship with her parents was awful and bordering on if not outright abusive, what was she  _ talking  _ about? “None of that means you have an easy life, Weiss.”

“It’s what I would tell myself, though,” Weiss countered, “Whenever I felt awful, I would always think ‘what right do I have to complain?’, I would think of all the pain I had been spared because of my family’s wealth.” Her voice was nearly silent now, as if she was speaking a deep, precious secret, and Ruby began to think that maybe she was, “And all that did was make me feel even worse, Ruby. All it did was add self-loathing to my list of issues.”

“I’m so-”

“ _ No _ ,” Weiss said, voice suddenly becoming as hard as Atlesian steel, “It isn’t your fault, so  _ don’t apologize _ .”

Ruby pursed her lips tightly, both to bite back another apology and to stop the shudder that ran through her body when she thought of Weiss as a kid, all alone and unable to even trust herself.

But then, something happened. The darkness of the room that bore down on all of Ruby’s senses and made it so easy to crack and fracture at the seams split. An eldritch glow bloomed before Ruby, haunting, and yet at the same time entirely comforting. Familiar, startlingly familiar. Between them, Weiss had extended her hands. In them glowed a glyph, pale and bright. The sigil of the Schnee family spun lazily in the platform made of Weiss’s aura, and the light illuminated the room in the glow of Weiss’s soul. Suddenly, where Ruby had been looking towards a vague silhouette, she now found her partner in stark relief. Her eyes were...softer than Ruby had ever seen them, looking down at her hands as she ran a thumb over the glass-smooth surface of her glyph. She captured the whole of Ruby’s attention without even meaning to, and once more Ruby was reminded of an angel. 

The glow cordoned off the darkness, making a little haven for the pair in the night by the light that shined between them, and when Weiss spoke, all that darkness seemed so much farther away “For  _ years _ , I told myself I had no right to be anything less than perfect. I had every advantage, every comfort, every  _ thing. _ I had the best equipment, the best teachers, I was supposed to  _ be  _ the Best. I pushed down and hid everything I felt because I wasn’t  _ supposed _ to hurt, I told myself that I had no right to wish my life was better, that all my problems were so much less valid than everyone else’s, but Ruby…”

She looked up from her glyph and met Ruby’s eyes, and Ruby couldn’t have looked away even if she wanted to.

The bluest blue Ruby had ever seen.

Weiss’ brows knit together, and she looked at Ruby not with pity, but with empathy. She spoke over her glyph, voice firm, determined. Brave. “You were the first person who made me feel like the way I felt  _ mattered _ . You taught me that at the end of the day, despite my title and my money, I was still a human being.  _ You _ did that, with your bunk beds and your jokes and the way you were  _ determined _ to make friends with me even though I was so  _ mean _ ...” She shook her head, her lips quirking in a soft, nostalgic sort of smile, but her eyes never broke contact with Ruby’s, “The heart doesn’t care who you are or who you’re  _ supposed _ to be.”

That was all well and good, but it didn’t  _ fit _ here. Ruby was supposed to be the one who helped her friends, not the one who leeched off of them for support she didn’t deserve. Weiss needed that, deserved that. Ruby  _ didn’t _ . “But, Weiss-” Ruby began, but Weiss cut her off before she could make her thoughts real, something terribly important in her eyes.

It was in the glow of her glyph that Weiss leaned forward, and her glyph grew brighter, pushing back the darkness and shortening the distance between them. Her eyes shined strangely, and with a start Ruby realized there were unshed tears in her partner’s eyes. When she spoke, it was with hope in her voice, “You can’t be perfect all the time, Ruby. It’s okay to not be okay.”

The knot in Ruby’s throat swelled along with her own frustration. At herself, at Weiss for being so  _ nice _ , at Cinder and Salem, at the whole situation, and she couldn’t look at her anymore. She knew, she  _ knew _ if she did, she would break. Everything she was trying so desperately to press down would come rushing up and out, the fear and the anger and the  _ guilt _ .

But even as she looked away, she couldn’t escape that safe, blue glow, so she squeezed her eyes shut and focused, pushing it all down. “No, I  _ can’t _ , Weiss!”

“Why not?” she asked, like it wasn’t simple, like it wasn’t obvious why Ruby couldn’t be not-okay, why she couldn’t be not-perfect. As if the reason wasn’t buried in a Mistrali graveyard, or split into four pieces on the floor of Amity Arena, or etched onto a memorial in front of Vale’s city hall.

As if the reason why she  _ had _ to be perfect wasn’t sitting right above Weiss’s right hip.

She was so close, so close to shattering.

“I need to be better,” her voice cracked on the last word, “I can’t make any more mistakes.” From behind closed eyes, tears began to leak through, Ruby could feel them streaking down her face and knew Weiss could see them, but she didn’t care anymore. She just needed to hold it together.

Weiss' voice was firm, insistent, “You can’t be perfect, Ruby. No one can.”

Ruby shook her head, hard enough to shake loose a few more thin tears from her cheeks. She felt them land on her hands. “I  _ have to be _ ,” the whisper slipped past her lips

_ “Why?” _ she pleaded.

How was it not obvious? How did Weiss not understand that it was  _ her _ fault? How did she not know that everything that had happened to them, that all the hardships and pain their group had gone through could have been prevented if only Ruby was smarter, or faster, or stronger. How did she not understand? “Because it’s my  _ fault _ , Weiss!”

She had thought that would be enough, thought that would make it clear to Weiss. Instead, she heard confusion in her voice, “What is?”

Ruby shook her head, pleading the bitter, cyclical thoughts in her head to go away. “All of it,” she whispered, but it was as loud as gunfire in her ears, “I wasn’t fast enough at to save Pyrrha or Penny,” a hiccup forced its way through her throat, “I wasn’t smart enough to figure out that Lionheart was  _ using us _ , I wasn’t strong enough to- to-,” she croaked out the end, her throat closing up. 

Strong enough to beat Emerald, to rejoin Weiss’s side, to  _ help _ .

She couldn’t see Wiess, didn’t want to, but she could hear worry in her voice anyway, “Ruby, you...you can’t blame yourself for that, surely. There was no way you could have-”

“It doesn’t matter!” Ruby interrupted her again, for the second time that night. She shook her head, feeling sweat sticking her hair to her forehead. Her body felt like it was shaking itself apart alongside her emotions, “It doesn’t matter,” she repeated, quieter, “I was supposed to keep them safe, they were my  _ friends _ . I’m supposed to be your  _ Leader _ , and I let us get...manipulated and betrayed  _ again _ .” The tears leaked more, running down her cheeks like water through the hull of a sinking ship, and she rubbed at her face roughly. “And I’m sitting here and  _ crying _ , like  _ I’m _ the one who got hurt.”

She breathed in, a rasp, rattling like a malfunctioning engine, and her hands fisted in her pants again. She felt something swell painfully in her chest.

“I- I was s-” the sobbing was back, forcing its way through her words and convulsing her chest. “I was s-supposed to…” another hiccup, and the core of everything, the source of the  _ wrongness _ she’d felt earlier, the heart of the guilt she was drowning in, the reason that drove her out of her bed tonight finally slipped past her lips:

_ Ruby’s feet were like lead weights as she ran, a dead sprint across the main hall of Haven. _

_ Jaune and Ren were there, desperately doing everything they could to try and stabilize Weiss, but they weren’t medics. They could do nothing but hold pressure and hope, and hope, and  _ **_hope_ ** _. That was all they had, but Weiss wasn’t moving, the rising and falling of her chest terrifyingly shallow. _

_ She was dying. _

_ Trembling hands reached down and touched too-cold skin, begging that her worst fears were wrong. But the texture of the wound on her stomach was unmistakable. Whatever Cinder had done had gone straight through Weiss, and there Ruby’s best friend, her Best Teammate, her  _ **_Partner_ ** _ lay. And on her stomach, unmistakably- _

_ -was an exit wound. _

“I was- was supposed to have y-your back.” She shuddered, the image as fresh as blood on her mind. She screwed her eyes shut harder, turning her head away from the kind light of Weiss’s semblance that she didn't deserve, but no matter how hard she closed her eyes, she couldn’t block out her own mind. “I  _ promised.” _

Weiss was silent, so silent for several seconds as Ruby tried,  _ tried so hard _ , to stabilize herself. Weiss had seen so much that Ruby hadn’t wanted her to see. She knew how fragile Ruby’s state was, how close her Leader was to breaking under the stress that she was supposed to be able to bear. Ruby hoped it would be enough, that now Weiss would just leave her to work out her emotions. She’d apologize tomorrow, and just hope Weiss would still be fine having her as a partner.

That didn’t happen, though.

Instead, something astonishing happened. A warm, soft feeling came, at once familiar and alien.

For Weiss, even a touch on the arm was intimate, too much so for a stranger. Accepting a hug from one of her closest friends seemed a herculean task for her, and something she allowed only for members of Team RWBY and Winter.

Never, not even  _ once _ , had Weiss initiated anything with anyone, not even Ruby.

But...

Weiss was...hugging her?

The thought alone was enough to stall Ruby’s thoughts, distract her from the guilt and the pain and the fear.

It was stiff and awkward and abundantly clear how little experience Weiss had with being the leader in a hug. Her arms bumped weirdly against the bones in Ruby’s shoulders from the way Weiss was hugging her from the side rather than the front, and to be frank, Ruby thought she fit in Weiss’s arms like a round peg in a square hole. An yet-

After a solid five seconds of Ruby sitting there like a tear-stained plank, Weiss’s grip tightened just a bit, making it clear she was  _ not _ letting go. Not ever.

-it was the single best hug Ruby had ever felt.

She  _ crumbled _ .

The dam burst, and her leaking tears turned into wet sobs. Torquing her body, she squared out their hug and pulled Weiss more properly against herself, clinging to her like her only lifeline in a raging ocean. When one of Weiss’s hands found the back of her head and urged it forward, Ruby buried her face in the crook of Weiss’s neck, pressing her eyes against the silky soft material of Weiss’s nightgown.

And she cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this wasn’t the conclusion! I decided this needed to be 4 chapters rather than 3, because honestly my draft of chapter three was only about half done and over 30 pages long. Chapter 4 is about halfway done now, and hopefully will be out sooner than this one.


	4. Until The End.

“I-I’m so s-sorry!” she begged, thickly and through a haze of tears.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Everything she’d buried, everything she’d denied, all of it came rushing up and out “I was- was so  _ scared _ I’d  _ lost you!” _

“It’s okay, you didn’t, I’m fine,” her voice was like a song.

Ruby’s hands fisted against the back of Weiss’s nightgown, tugging until Weiss’s weight was on her, until they were pressed together on the couch with their legs tangled together. Only then, when she could feel their hearts beating just a few inches apart from each other, when she could feel every breath Weiss took and hear the sound of her voice and feel the warmth of her skin, did she finally,  _ finally  _ believe her.

She was  _ alive _ .

Ruby couldn’t help herself. She shifted back, almost lying lengthwise along the couch and leaned against the armrest with Weiss pressed against her front. She curled around her partner, and Weiss didn’t deny her, didn’t push away despite her own aversion to touch. Instead, she ran awkward-yet-soothing fingers through Ruby’s hair as she cried, while her other hand stayed where it was, wrapped securely around Ruby’s chest. The touch grounded her, gave her an anchor and drug out every dark, evil thing that had burrowed into her mind.

Sobs racked her body, heavy and hard and painful. In waves of shame and fear and guilt, Ruby tried, “It’s m-my  _ fault _ . I should’ve, I should’ve  _ protected  _ you!” She almost shouted, her voice thick and scratchy between vacillating gasps, trying to make amends where none needed be made.

Weiss was calm, her voice shuddering but steady, and she pressed into Ruby, warm and anchoring and safe, “It’s okay, I don't blame you. I never blamed you.”

Ruby pulled her harder as a shudder quaked her shoulders, barely having the wherewithal to check the way her fingers clenched against the delicate fabric of Weiss’s nightgown-- to prevent herself from tearing it, “You  _ should _ .”

And yet, Weiss still shook her head. Where Weiss was, so close that her nose was practically in Ruby’s hair, there was no way Ruby could’ve missed it. “I don't, and it doesn’t matter.”

Ruby shook her head too, inadvertently wiping her eyes on her partner’s shoulder, “It d-does…” She sucked in a shuddering gasp and screwed her eyes shut, as if that would stem the flow of tears and the flow of guilt alike, “ I-I was supposed to be there for y-you and, and I  _ wasn’t _ and Cinder almost- she-”

“Ruby I’m-” Weiss tried to cut in, but Ruby wouldn’t let her -  _ couldn’t _ let her.

“She almost  _ killed  _ you!” Ruby wailed, mournfully, and it felt as if Cinder had succeeded, “I- she- she almost...I don’t know what I would have  _ done!” _ The thought of that eventuality, of watching her best friend, her partner fall just like others had, of having to continue on knowing she’d never see her again- Ruby’s throat tightened up, and she felt sick. “I don’t know what I’m going to do…” she trailed off with a high-pitched noise in the back of her thought, before the tears returned.

“Shhhh,” Weiss tried to sooth, “Shh, it’s alright, it’ll be okay-”

It was like a hammer hitting a primer, like a spark to dynamite, “It  _ won’t! _ ” Ruby shouted into Weiss’s shoulder, “It isn’t okay! That’s what e-everyone says and it’s  _ never true _ , Weiss!” A fresh wave of sobbing accompanied the confession, and Ruby buried her face even harder into her partner’s shoulder.

“We’ll get through this,” Weiss asserted softly, but something wavered in her voice, something unsure and unsettled, “I promise, Ruby, everything  _ will _ be okay.”

_ “Don’t worry my little rose,” a warm voice said, face silhouetted in the glare of the morning sun, “I’ll be home soon, I promise,” she cooed as she kissed her forehead, before taking a step back, hand slipping off of Ruby’s small cheek. She turned away and, for a second, Ruby watched that white cloak flutter in the wind. She looked back over her shoulder, something kind but strained behind her smile, and she said, in parting, “I swear, everything will be okay.” _

_ It would be the last time Ruby ever saw her. _

“L-liar…” Ruby whispered, even though Weiss  _ never _ broke a promise, “...liar…”

Weiss stiffened in her arms and her fingers halted for a moment, but she said nothing.

They were quiet for several minutes, the only sound in the room being the occasional sob muffled by Weiss’s shoulder. Time seemed to blur together and lose all meaning while Ruby cried out the dregs of her heart. Slowly, her mind began to stabilize, if only slightly, little-by-little.

When Weiss spoke again, it was in an intimate whisper, so close and so calm that Ruby could feel her breath against her ear, “Ruby, I’m fine. I lived through it, and it doesn’t bother me, I promise. I’m…” she breathed, and Ruby thought she felt Weiss pull her closer, “I’m sorry that it never even occurred to me that it might have bothered  _ you _ .”

Ruby squirmed, the hug becoming stifling, undeserved, “No, you were the one that got hurt, I- I don’t des- deserve this. I should have- have protected you.” Her throat felt thick with tears and her face felt sticky and cold, everything ached in so many ways. She was supposed to be  _ better _ , she wasn’t supposed to make promises and fail to keep them.

She wasn’t supposed to be her Mother.

She shuddered, sickly.

“Ruby…” Weiss sighed, and this time it didn’t sound like pity. It sounded like worry.

“I’m supposed to be your,” she hiccupped when she said the word, ”partner, I’m supposed to have y-your back!” She squirmed more, trying to make space, the comfort no longer welcome. She could still see Weiss on the floor of Haven, she didn’t- “I have n-no right to feel bad when it was  _ you _ who...got  _ h-hurt _ .” The final word came with a fresh sob.

Slowly, slow enough for Ruby to understand that Weiss wasn’t leaving, Weiss pulled back. Not far, not far enough stop functionally laying on top of Ruby, but far enough that when Ruby looked through the fog of tears blurring her eyes, she could see Weiss’s own eyes, and the light sheen of sympathetic tears within them.

There was guilt, that she’d dumped all of this on Weiss, that she’d made Weiss cry, but before any of it could take root, Weiss started to talk. “I wrote something,” she said, slowly, “when I was younger, and miserable.” She gave a short laugh, humorless and yet without derision, “I wanted to use it as a song lyric, but couldn’t. It was too...personal.”

Ruby took in a shaky breath, focusing on the weight of her partner on her chest and the sound of her voice to ground her. She didn’t say anything, just pursed her lips and allowed Weiss to speak, pushing back against the tears that even now threatened to spill over into a fresh round of sobbing.

“I didn’t believe it, for a long time. I was almost...ashamed to have written it, but...” she shook her head, and Ruby found her eyes tracking the way the strands of her hair shook, catching the pale glow of Weiss’s glyph like blue hearthlight. A smile came to her face then, almost warm, or maybe fond, even through the tears. Ruby realized that, with her mind focused so strongly on the way Weiss looked dying on the floor of Haven’s main hall, she’d almost forgotten what Weiss’s smile looked like, “...I was taught that maybe there was some merit to it.”

Her breath still rattled, and the knot in her throat refused to dissolve, but there was something remarkably calming about Wiess’s voice. “Tell me?” she asked shakily, after a moment, both out of curiosity and a need to hear her partner just...talk.

Weiss’s lips pursed and her eyebrows turned up in an expression that wasn’t exactly  _ unreadable _ , but Ruby had no idea what it meant on Weiss’s face. Weiss hand shifted, found the curve of Ruby’s shoulder. Her thumb worried at the bare skin there, and Ruby suppressed a wince at how sore her deltoids were. After a moment, Weiss sighed, deep and meaningful, and her eyes slipped closed. After a second, she spoke, almost too-quiet for Ruby to hear:

“ _ Everyone _ is entitled to their own sorrow, for the heart has no metrics or form of measure. And all of it... _ irreplaceable. _ ”

The words hung in the air. Alone, they didn’t mean much of anything to Ruby, but something about the way Weiss said them…”Weiss…”

She shook her head again, her eyes slipping open to meet Ruby’s, “I felt so... _ selfish _ , when I wrote that. I was fifteen, angry at my family, angry at the world, angry at  _ myself _ . I didn’t think that I deserved to feel the way I did either, Ruby.” Her hand left Ruby’s shoulder and she was shocked by how much she missed it. Weiss brushed a few locks of hair back over her own ear, “I had every comfort, every advantage, I had no right to be anything but thankful for the life I was given.”

Ruby bit her tongue. Weiss had such a  _ difficult _ life, Ruby knew that for a fact! Hearing her talking about herself like that, like she should be  _ thankful _ for everything she’s been through, made Ruby want to show Weiss that she had earned the world, show her that she deserved  _ everything _ . 

But, she wasn’t going to derail her, not again. “W-what changed?”

Her hand came back to Ruby’s shoulder, more gentle this time. Awkward, light brushes across the skin Ruby’s tank exposed on her shoulder and arm, but soft, too. Weiss’s hands were always so soft, so unlike her own. “Someone very close to my heart taught me that, maybe I wasn’t - or, perhaps, couldn’t be - perfect, but that was okay. They taught me, stubborn, bullheaded me, that maybe I had a right to be human, and that I couldn’t expect myself to be able to just take everything in my stride.” Her eyes, enrapturing, locked onto Ruby’s, “Maybe, I had a right to feel the way I felt. Do you know who taught me that?”

She didn’t, but she could hazard a guess. There were only a handful of people Ruby knew of who had a positive effect on Weiss’s life. “Winter? Your grandad?” she guessed, and her voice sounded scratchy even to herself.

Weiss’s shoulders fell a fraction of an inch, and a frown took her lips. After a moment of silence between them, she nodded, solemnly, but not in agreement with what Ruby had said. No, it was almost like she nodded to something she had thought within her own mind. After a second, she spoke, a sincerity in her voice Ruby had only heard once before, on the night Weiss swore to be Ruby’s best teammate, “It was you, Ruby. You did that.”

Ruby couldn’t help the sigh that slipped past her lips, “Weiss, I didn’t-” but her eyes blew wide and a wholly unfamiliar sensation. Weiss’s had pressed her index finger right over her lips. Yang? Sure. Nora? Probably. Ruby could accept them doing that spontaneously, but anyone else would be weird.  _ Weiss _ doing it?

Tonight was a night of firsts, Ruby guessed.

Weiss shook her head, even as she shifted awkwardly at behaving so far outside her comfort zone, “No, you don’t get to try and refute that. This isn’t a discussion, it was  _ you _ . And you deserve the same treatment you gave me.”

After a moment of waiting, when it became evident that Weiss didn’t know what to do with the hand on her face, Ruby took it upon herself to reach up and brush it away so she could speak, “It’s  _ different _ , Weiss, you all are relying on me to be strong, I can’t-” a shudder ran through her, Pyrrha flashing across her mind and bringing with it a few latent tears, “If I make mistakes, people get  _ hurt _ , I can’t...I don’t know how how I’d be able to live if I...lost you,” a moment passed where she realize that sounded very... _ personal _ . She added, “Any of you,” though she wasn’t exactly sure  _ why _ .

The frown didn’t leave Weiss’s lips, but that in and of itself was oddly comforting in it’s familiarity. They were quiet for a moment or several before, “You’re right,” Weiss said, suddenly.

Ruby had expected a lot of responses, but  _ agreement _ was not among them, “Huh?”

Her frown lessened somewhat, but didn’t leave. She shifted, just a little, so that she was laying on the couch next to Ruby rather than on top of her, situated between herself and the backrest and braced on her left elbow. Still there, still closer than Ruby ever expected Weiss to willingly stay for more than a few seconds, but no longer practically in Ruby’s lap. That was fine, Ruby was calming, slowly. Everything was beginning to shift and compress back where Ruby had packed it all away originally, back to where Ruby could carry it silently again. Though her eyes still ached and something inside of her still shuddered every couple of seconds, she didn’t need Weiss to go so far out of her comfort zone to console her anymore.

It was...weird, though. She missed it, in a way she didn’t really understand.

When Weiss spoke again, there was worry in her voice, but conviction too, “You’re right, the things we’re fighting against, they’re real and they’re dangerous.” She shifted again, trying to find a comfortable position across the couch, “I’m not...asking you to take it any less seriously, Ruby, but just, please, let us help you.”

Before Ruby could respond, deny it, insist that she was The Leader, that she wasn’t supposed to dump her problems onto the people she was supposed to protect, Weiss’s lips pursed as conflict flashed across her face for a second. Like before, she hesitated, shifted, then committed.

Ruby was on her back, leaned against the armrest of the couch, in the same position she had been in when Weiss had helped her through her breakdown. Slowly, Weiss shifted down, lowering and leaning forward until she was pressed against Ruby’s side. Her arm rested across Ruby’s stomach and her head-- her head was on Ruby’s chest and shoulder, Weiss’s hair soft as starlight on her skin and comfortingly heavy. Every breath she took, Ruby could feel swell her chest. Quietly, like the feeling of sun on your skin, Weiss sighed.

Ruby was stiff as a board. Earlier, when her emotions were wrecked, it was different. Weiss was offering comfort, trying to help. She had done what Yang or Dad or, well, anyone would do to help an upset friend calm down. Ruby was calm now (relative to earlier at least, her head still felt like it was full of frayed livewires), and this was...something different, something that Ruby was  _ completely _ inexperienced in. This didn’t feel like Weiss was doing it for Ruby’s sake, but for her  _ own _ . Her eyes, she felt, were as wide as saucers, and she found her lips pressed into a thin line. Her tear-stained cheeks seemed hotter than they were a minute ago, was that normal? She didn’t think that was normal. When Weiss breathed, she could feel it brush along her collarbones.

It was terrifying, electrifying.

Weiss spoke again, and Ruby could feel it against her skin and she sounded soft and... “If no one else, please at least let  _ me _ help? You have…” maybe it was Ruby’s imagination, but she thought she felt Weiss press a little closer, “...no  _ idea _ how important you are to me.”

Ruby didn’t say anything immediately, but this time less out of self-deprecation and more out of not being able to mentally process the way her partner felt against her side. She wasn’t used to anyone being this close for this long that wasn’t a member of her family. That it was  _ Weiss _ , well, forming thoughts was really difficult right now. And she also didn’t know what to do with her hands, so her right one just stayed pinned between her body and Weiss’s, and her left sort of hung in the air as she stared stiffly up at the blue-lit ceiling.

“Is this...okay?” Weiss asked quietly, shifting a little bit, just as awkward as Ruby felt.

The question shook her out of the stupor. She tried to make words, but her brain was currently making nothing but the sound of an untuned television. “Uh, oh, uh, yeah, yeah it’s okay. Completely fine. Totally, totally okay!”

Weiss laughed quietly, more of a huff than anything, and every nerve in Ruby’s body jolted as she felt it on her throat. “It isn’t...unpleasant for you?” She asked after a minute of silence.

It wasn’t. Far, far from it in a really confusing way, but the question made a guilty sort of suspicion grow in Ruby’s stomach, “You…don’t have to do that,” she felt Weiss shift a little, and she quickly added, “I mean, I don’t  _ mind _ , but like, if it’s uncomfortable for  _ you _ , and you’re just trying to help me, I’m fine now. I’m not about to, uh, start crying again.”

She huffed again, but this time it sounded decidedly more annoyed, “You aren’t--  _ Ruby _ .” She could feel Weiss’s hand curl into a fist on her stomach, and she sighed, deeply, and fell silent.

However, she didn’t move.

That was fine, Ruby fine with being used as a pillow. Really, weirdly fine with it, now that she thought about it, but she pushed the thought from her mind. That was a problem for Future Ruby.

Weiss didn’t say anything for several minutes, and neither did Ruby. Occasionally, she’d have to shift when her sore back got the better of her, and Weiss did her fair bit of moving and adjusting too. Still, as time dragged on, Ruby couldn’t help but relax back into the couch. The feeling of her partner curled into her side was  _ not _ familiar, but at the same time...kinda was? Maybe not familiar in the traditional sense, but it felt...right. Time slipped away.

With a start, Ruby realized it was helping. Sure, it was  _ really _ awkward, and it felt like her brain short-circuited everytime Weiss breathed on Ruby’s chest and neck, but it left her head blissfully empty and free of the haunting, vivid memories. For the first time since Haven, everything felt...peaceful.

The silence was broken suddenly but gently when Weiss spoke, her voice tender and quiet, “You’re always there for us when we need you, and nothing that ever happened ever seemed to bug you. I assumed you just...knew how to take everything in stride.”

The spell didn’t  _ break _ , really, but it shook, cracked. The guilt from earlier came back, slowly leaking in and cooling the comfortable warmth that had chased it away, “I’m sorry I couldn’t-”

“ _ No _ ,” Weiss said, steel in her voice and her hand curling into a fist under Ruby’s solar plexus, “It’s  _ my _ fault, not yours. No one, Ruby,  _ no one _ can live like that.” She shook her head, and the argument Ruby had been forming promptly vaporized at the sensation of Weiss’s hair on her skin. “I fooled myself into thinking that nothing could bother you.”

Ruby pursed her lips, pushing past the alarmingly distracting feeling to assert, “It  _ shouldn’t _ bother me.”

“‘Should’ and ‘should not’ don’t matter, Ruby,” Weiss countered, “How you feel  _ matters _ . I don’t care about how you think you should feel, I care about how you  _ do _ feel.”

Ruby couldn’t come up with a response to that, Weiss sighed deeply and was silent for several long seconds before she asked, “You said that partners are supposed to have each other’s backs, yes?”

“Mm-hmm,” Ruby hummed, not trusting her voice as the sight of brown hardwood stained red with blood came back to her, unwelcome.

She shifted, weight leaving Ruby’s chest in favor of looking up at Ruby’s eyes, “Then how  _ awful _ of a partner have I been, assuming you’ve just had  _ no _ problems?”

The haze of memories threatening to drag her under was parted as if by dynamite, “Weiss!”

“It’s  _ true _ , Ruby,” Weiss said, voice hard and not inviting discussion.

She shook her head hard enough that it made her neck sore, “It’s  _ not _ , you’re the best partner I could ask for! It’s not your job to deal with my problems!”

“I’m your  _ partner, _ we share our problems!” she retorted, lifting herself up a little bit more off of Ruby.

“And I’m your  _ leader _ , I shouldn’t be pushing my stupid issues onto you!”

Weiss pushed herself up all the way, pressing a hand into the couch on either side of Ruby’s head. Her hair fell like loose moonlight around her head and her eyes...they were all Ruby could see, almost, “You are my partner before you’re our leader, and you are my _best friend_ before even that. You will never- no, you _can_ never _push_ anything onto me. Get it through that thick skull of yours that I **_want_** to be there for you.”

Ohhh, that was her  _ angry _ voice.

“Weiss-”

She shook her head again, dazzling Ruby. Her hair hadn’t always been that distracting, had it? Ruby would have noticed if it had, right? Right? “Don’t you ‘ _ Weiss’ _ me, you keep--” she made a strangled sound in her throat, and one hand came up to paw at her face in a way Ruby had only seen her do a handful of times. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, in then out, and seemed to compose herself. “You keep saying that you ‘should’ do this and you ‘should’ do that, that you  _ need _ to help us. Why?”

What...what kind of question was that? “...You’re my friends.”

“Yes, but why do  _ you _ have to help us.”

That made even less sense than the first one, “Because I can?”

She huffed again, annoyed, and Ruby got the distinct impression she’d got the question wrong. “No, you--  _ why _ . What makes you feel like we all deserve your effort?”

She...didn’t have an answer for that. It was just a fact, that was like asking why gravity exists, or why sugar is sweet. It just, was. “I don’t get you.”

She sighed again, deep-bellied, and her hand pinched the bridge of her nose.

After several seconds where Ruby just watched the way her hair caught the light, Weiss dropped her hand. Her eyes were softer, and her lips thin. “Ruby...do you care about...me? At all?”

“Wha- how-,” there was a sudden, violent trainwreck in her brainpan, “I-- Of  _ course _ , wha-, why-” Ruby found her hands wildly gesticulating with her words all on their own, and she had to make a conscious effort to not accidentally smack Weiss with one, “-why would you even ask that?!”

Weiss nodded, but her eyes never moved from Ruby’s. They were so wide, so open in a way Ruby felt like she’d never noticed before. “I know that, Ruby, but you need to understand that  _ we, _ ” she swung her right hand, the one that wasn’t supporting her weight on the couch, out in a broad motion, gesturing towards all of the people in the safehouse, “Aren’t any more important than you.” Ruby opened her mouth, but Weiss continued on, eyes never straying from her own, honest and heartfelt, “ _ I _ don’t matter any more than you.”

It sparked off of something, like steel after a bad torch-cut, jagged and sharp. The same indignant feeling that motivated her against things that were just  _ wrong _ , “Weiss, you can’t- You’re  _ so important _ , you can’t keep putting yourself down, you’re acting like you-” she was struggling to find the words, her hands came up between them, grasping at nothing as she tried to put voice to the weirdly frustrated feeling bubbling in her. “Don’t talk like you are worth less than you are,” she eventually settled with, unsatisfied.

She was shocked when the exact same emotion was reflected in Weiss’s eyes, the same frustrated indignation, and her right hand came down to clumsily punch Ruby’s (still  _ very _ sore) shoulder, “That’s what  _ you’re _ doing you dolt!”

“Huh?”

Weiss shook her head, hard, but the strong, meaningful look in her eyes succeeded in preventing her hair from dazzling Ruby again, “At no point did I ever say anything self-deprecating. All I said was that we did  _ not _ matter more than you.”

“But Weiss-”

“No ‘ _ But Weiss _ ’!” she hissed, “This isn’t up for debate!”

The shout was alarmingly loud, and for a second they were both stone-still, listening for the sound of opening doors and rustling feet. No sound came, and Ruby sighed, felt a tight fear uncoil from her stomach. This was hard enough with the knowledge that she’d just ruined  _ Weiss’s _ night without the whole house waking up and no one getting any sleep.

Weiss sighed, and made to lower herself down again, but something in Ruby forced her to action. Her hands moved up and caught Weiss’s shoulders before she could use Ruby as a pillow again. Something self-conscious flashed behind Weiss’s eyes and Ruby immediately regretted stopping her, but she needed to say this, “Weiss you, you deserve more than me. You’ve earned, gosh,  _ everything _ . I want to help you, to help  _ all _ of you, because you guys deserve it, and I  _ can _ .”

Weiss broke eye contact, taken into deep thought for a second before her eyes slipped closed. After a minute where Ruby held her breath, Weiss sighed and asked frankly, “Ruby, how much do you care about me?”

It brought everything into a screeching, tumbling ball of metal and confusion. Her jaw worked up and down, like she was trying to talk without words, and her brain made a sound somewhere between car-crash and radio static. Eventually, she managed to force out, “That’s...a really weird question, Weiss.”

Weiss scoffed, “Ruby, it’s four AM, we’re both in our pajamas on a couch in  _ Mistral _ , your Uncle can turn into a  _ bird _ , and Jaune was actually useful for something. I am so far past  _ weird _ right now that I don’t even have words for it. Answer the question.”

As much as Ruby didn’t want to admit it right now, Weiss had...a bit of a point. Still, though, putting it into words was  _ very _ difficult. How much did Ruby care about her? Gods, she didn’t know. To the moon and back, as far as she could reasonably understand that  _ care _ went. “I…” Ruby began, fruitlessly, “I just...I don’t know how to say it.” She squeezed Weiss’s shoulders without really meaning to.

“Try?” Weiss asked, quietly, a soft, vulnerable  _ something _ in her eyes.

Ruby wouldn’t -  _ couldn’t _ \- deny that look. “I care about you...as much as I think I can. You’re…” She breathed deeply, and she felt tears prick behind her sore eyes, “When I saw you o-on the floor the other day, I felt like  _ everything _ was falling apart, I was s-so-”

“Ruby.” She said, simply, firm but soft. It brought her back from the dark waters that threatened to swallow her. Ruby took a deep breath and felt herself calm. Weiss pursed her lips, somewhere between apprehension and embarrassment in her eyes.

The revelation came in a weird sort of way. At once immensely shocking and completely obvious: Somehow, at some point, Weiss had become the most important person in Ruby’s life. Not by much, not incredibly so, and it was with no small amount of guilt that Ruby thought of Yang, but...she couldn't deny it. Yang was just as important to Ruby as she ever was, Blake and Dad too, but Weiss...had somehow become even more.

And it was  _ terrifying. _

Before she could properly process the thought - let alone  _ say _ it - Weiss beat her to the punch, “Ruby...Brothers, this is hard to say,” she shook her head, and took a deep breath, “You need to understand that you are...that important to me as well-- more so, even.”

There was no way that was true. She didn’t know why it couldn’t be true, but she just knew it  _ couldn’t be _ . She was just Ruby, just a normal nobody with normal knees. Weiss still didn’t  _ understand! _ “Weiss, you can’t really feel…” feel what? What had she been about to say?

Weiss’s brows knit together, and her eyes were serious. Fragile, vulnerable, but serious and hard too, “You don’t get to tell me the way I feel, Ruby. I’m telling the truth.”

Ruby said the only thought bouncing around her head, “That doesn’t make any  _ sense _ .”

Something seemed to  _ click _ in Weiss’s head, and her eyebrows turned up and her lips thinned again in that strangely unreadable expression. When she spoke, though, Ruby understood that it was  _ worry _ , “Do...do you really have such a low opinion of yourself?”

“What? No, I don’t have- I don’t have a  _ low opinion _ of myself!” Ruby insisted, something tight and defensive worming around in her belly, “it’s just...I mean I’m just  _ me _ , Weiss. I’m not, I haven’t done much of anything, it’s you guys with the interesting stories to tell.”

Weiss' eyes slipped closed, and let out a sigh deep enough that Ruby felt it brush along her cheeks even across the foot of distance between them, and she nodded again. “Okay, alright, I thought I was going to have to do this, but I was hoping I was wrong.”

“Huh?”

Weiss opened her eyes again, and the whole mood of the room changed, because there was  _ fire _ there, behind the ice-blue of her eyes. “This is going to be tremendously awkward for me, Ruby, but I need you to understand a few things.” She leaned forward, pressing against Ruby’s hands that were still on her shoulders, “I  _ promise _ you, I will not say a single thing that I do not unquestionably believe.”

Weiss never broke a promise.

“Okay.”

Weiss took a deep, steadying breath, and the way it shook didn’t pass by Ruby unnoticed. “Ruby, you know how my life was, before Beacon. I was...lonely and jaded, I was mean, I-” She cut herself off, which was for the best as Ruby could already feel an interjection growing in her throat. She hated hearing Weiss talk about herself like that. When she spoke again, her voice as well as Ruby’s heart, cracked, “I felt so  _ hopeless _ , Ruby, all I wanted was to have people that I could trust and care about, but all I had in my life before Beacon was... _ constant _ reminders that you couldn’t trust  _ anyone _ .”

_ There was no knight in shining armor. No hero came to wake Ruby up from the nightmare she found herself in. The storybook of Ruby’s childhood - of the Life of Summer Rose - had ended in a torn page. Without a final chapter. How could she leave when she swore that she would stay?  _

_ She promised, she  _ **_promised_ ** _.  _

_ The petals scattered, and in their wake they left only that. Empty promises, lies, and a losing fight her daughters would have to win in her stead. _

_ There was no hero, because Ruby’s hero had left and never came home. _

_ She  _ **_lied._ **

Even to her own ears, her voice felt soft and tender, “Weiss…”

Weiss’s voice was quiet, but she pushed on, forcing out the words in a way that made Ruby worry she didn’t  _ really _ want to say them, but Weiss’s promise that they were true kept her listening. In her eyes, Ruby saw a change, something much softer, much less painful, “You were the first friend I ever made, Ruby. The first  _ real _ friend I ever had.”

She’d...had a hunch about that, since way before Beacon fell, but she never asked. It didn’t really matter, the only thing that mattered was that they were friends  _ now _ .

“I made more friends at Beacon. Our team, Team JNPR, the people we met…” her eyes shook, and she looked away. It could easily have been a trick of the light, but Ruby thought her cheeks had colored, “...but you were...special.  _ Are _ special.”

She  _ wasn’t _ . Weiss was special, Ruby  _ wasn’t _ .

She seemed to hold her breath for a second before forcing her eyes to meet Ruby’s again, and there was something very fragile, vulnerable in them, “Ruby, I learned a  _ lot _ at Beacon, but I was still the same person I was in Atlas. I was mean to you all, yes, but you didn’t see everything.”

“What do you mean?” Ruby asked, too worried to stop herself.

Weiss shook her head, something sad and almost  _ ashamed _ coming across her face. One hand came up and tapped her temple, “I was very...cynical, within my own head. Even after I started to trust you all, it always lingered in my mind that  _ everyone _ had an agenda,  _ everyone _ wanted something. There had been nothing in my life that had ever told me otherwise. All I had were reminders that people couldn’t be trusted, and that the only way to make anything  _ good _ with my life was to stay away from all of them and force my way into a position where I could find some kind of happiness alone.”

It broke Ruby’s heart to hear, and she could feel tears prick her eyes again for the millionth time that night. She knew what it felt like to  _ want _ to trust, knew the way the fear lingered no matter what you did, “I’m  _ so _ sorry…”

Shockingly, Weiss  _ laughed _ . A little sad, a little weary, but a real,  _ real _ laugh. “You of all people don’t need to be sorry, you were the one that…” she trailed off, her face turning more serious, and her eyes searching Ruby’s, “You were the first bit of evidence I ever found in my life that there  _ was _ good in the world. That good people weren’t just something you read about in Fairy Tales.”

Ruby shook her head, reflexively, “Weiss, that’s-”

“-True,” Weiss interjected, “I promised I wouldn’t lie, so that is  _ true _ , Ruby. If I’d never met you…” she shuddered slightly, and if Ruby’s hands hadn’t been on her shoulders, she wouldn’t have noticed, “I don’t know how far I would’ve continued to spiral, how cynical and bitter I would have become. I could... _ feel _ myself growing jaded, unravelling. I’d given up hope on ever finding someone like you, but you pushed your way into my life and taught me that I was  _ wrong _ , that not every relationship was doomed to end like my Parents’ had.”

She knew Weiss had meant ‘relationship’ in the general sense, not the Romantic, and also knew that her using her parents’ relationship was just a way to show where she’d learned her cynical outlook from, but...Ruby couldn’t help the thought that she’d meant ‘Relationship’ in the more common sense, that there was a comparison to be drawn between the two of them and a  _ marriage _ . For a split second, like the afterimage burned into your eyes after an explosion, Ruby saw the two of them-

Nope nope nope, not following _that_ line of thought any farther! That one is gonna be a problem for _Future_ _Ruby_ to deal with, too.

Weiss was either too preoccupied with her own thoughts to notice, or polite enough to ignore the train crash in Ruby’s mind, but she continued on, desperately earnest, “Ruby, you need to understand just how big of an impact you’ve had on my life.”

It was something to latch onto that  _ wasn’t _ the idea of them building a life together, so Ruby jumped onto it quickly. Weiss was strong and...brave, and so, so smart. She would have…”You would have figured it out on your own.”

She was shocked, genuinely shocked at the  _ hurt _ that flashed across Weiss's face. “I wouldn’t have,” she said, and it was painful how  _ sure _ she sounded, “Not without you, I wouldn’t have. I…” She breathed, deeply, raggedly, “...You saved me, Ruby. You refuse to believe it, but I’d gotten to the point that I didn’t even recognize my own  _ reflection _ , I had no idea who I was other than a Schnee.”

Something in her chest coiled up, like an angry hedgehog or something equally prickly. She couldn’t have done that, right? Weiss couldn’t have...she couldn’t possibly have been that important to Weiss.

She leaned forward again, her weight pressing down on Ruby’s hands and eyes  _ pleading _ with Ruby to just  _ understand _ , “You’re my partner, my best friend, you’ve become so very  _ important _ to me.” She shook her head, her eyes were both hard and soft, forceful and vulnerable, “Everything you feel, as important and  _ worthy _ as you think I am...you need to understand: That Feeling you have towards me is the exact same one I have towards you.”

It was absurd, she was the Leader, Weiss was Weiss. The Leader was the one who was supposed to worry and care, why would… No, whatever she felt towards Weiss, there was no  _ way _ Weiss felt the same way. It just, didn’t make any sense. She was just trying to chase away Ruby’s demons, like any good partner would.

Right?

Ruby shook her head, Weiss had promised not to lie but there was no way she understood what she’d just said, “Weiss, you don’t have to...you don’t have to try and make me feel better anymore.” She tried for a smile, but was unsure of how convincing it was, “I got it out of my system, I’m fine now, see?” And it was, more or less, the truth.

Evidently, it wasn’t very convincing, because Weiss’s face flushed with frustration, “Ugh,  _ Ruby, _ ” she started, arms coming up to make choking-hands at Ruby’s throat (Ruby’s hands on her shoulders now being the only thing holding Weiss up now), “Why,  _ why _ is it so hard for you to understand that  _ fine _ isn’t good enough?!”

Huh?

“Weiss, there so many more important things to worry about than me-”

She reached down and, instead of putting her hands on the couch again, she grabbed hold of Ruby’s shoulders, “I  _ know _ that things are serious, that we’ve got Salem and the relics and Atlas and a million other things to worry about, but we’ll  _ get through it _ . What matters to me is  _ you _ .”

It...sounded absurd, but Weiss was being so instant about it that...Ruby wasn’t so sure.

“I know you’re fine, Ruby,” she began, something tight and  _ important _ in her voice, “ _ Gods _ , I know you’re fine. You’re strong and kind and smart, I know you can be  _ fine _ all on your own!” The frustration came back and Weiss quite literally began shaking Ruby by her shoulders, “ _ Du bist sehr frustrierend! _ I don’t want you to just be fine, I want you to be  _ happy, you idiot! _ ”

It was a stunning thing to hear, it somehow at once warmed her heart and induced panic, “Weiss, you’re not,  _ I’m _ supposed to be the one who helps you guy’s stay happy, I’m-”

“-The Leader! Yes, I know! Gods help me, I know, you dolt,” Weiss interjected, fingers curling into Ruby’s shoulders and reminding her of how sore they were once again. Her voice softened, like old cloth, worn by time and stress, “but we - you and I - are a  _ unit _ now! We…rely on each other.”

Worry added itself to the cocktail of emotions in Ruby’s chest (she’d long since given up on naming how she felt, she was too much of a mess tonight for that), she didn’t want Weiss putting herself down further. She’d already made herself so vulnerable tonight, “You don’t need me, you’re strong enough to be happy on your own!”

“It isn’t about what I need, Ruby, it’s what I  _ want! _ ” she let out a sigh, deep and chesty, more of an ‘ugh’ than anything, and some of the frustration uncoiled behind her eyes, “If you want  _ me _ to be happy, you need to let me help  _ you _ be happy.” She pursed her lips, shaking her head, “I can’t-” she cut herself off, and something caught the light in the room. Shiny, and wet, and Ruby realized there were  _ tears _ in Weiss’s eyes. Leaking down her cheeks, cold and lonely on her face. “No- I don’t  _ want _ to be happy if you aren’t.”

She said it like an oath, like a promise. The sentence seemed to weigh six tonnes as it passed from Weiss’s lips, and it added a weight to the room that hadn’t been there before, and something quiet, something like  _ understanding _ began to bloom in the pit of Ruby’s stomach.

It made Ruby want to cry again, but different. Not the bitter, painful sobbing she’d selfishly indulged in earlier, but something...softer, kinder.

Weiss’s hands moved. They were shaky, inexperienced, but determined. Devoted. Slowly, they slid up Ruby’s neck to cup her cheeks softly, and only when Weiss’s thumb curled across Ruby’s cheekbone did she realize that she’d started crying again as well. Her voice was whisper-quiet, like a confession, “This... _ thing _ , where you try to carry the burden all by yourself? It scares me because I’m  _ terrified _ one day you’re going to do something stupidly brave, because you think that  _ we _ are more important than  _ you _ , and I’m going to be alone again.”

_ She turned and left, a grim fear hidden behind her smile, and a promise that she’d return on her lips. A promise she would break. A lie. She would do whatever was necessary to protect her children, her family. She would bear that sacrifice so that they wouldn’t have to. She would be The Hero. _

_ But did she really save them by leaving? Or did she just force a greater sacrifice on them? _

_ Ruby didn’t  _ **_want_ ** _ The Hero, she just wanted her Mom. _

It was a stupid question, Ruby knew it, but her heart cracked and the question slipped past her lips anyway, “Why?”

As if it was the most simple truth in the world, Weiss whispered, “Because you’re my best teammate too.”

...

Ruby had no idea when she’d forgotten that, why she’d forgotten that.

When Weiss sighed, just like she’d done a million times in the past and a dozen times tonight, it was different. A warm, hopeful note to it, but somber still, “There’s a lot of things against us, Ruby. I know that, you know that, but you can’t...you can’t go on like this.”

When Ruby spoke again, she didn’t  _ feel _ very much like The Leader. Instead...she felt like a girl in way over her head. With far more responsibility on her shoulders than any seventeen-year-old should have to carry. “I-- I don’t know what else to do…” she whispered. Her elbows weakened, and Weiss fell an inch or so closer, most of her weight now laying across Ruby’s torso. Her words came out gently, quietly, but they hurt like thorns. They were the truth though, something she felt she should have said a long time ago, “I know I’m supposed to ‘keep moving forward’, that’s what Uncle Qrow always says, but...I feel like I’m giving everything I have and it isn’t  _ enough _ -” her voice cracked with the word, remembering how slow she’d been at Beacon, how weak she’d been at the day before yesterday, how she’d lead her friends right into a trap at both Oniyuri and Haven- “I don’t know how I can give any more…” 

“You let us help, that’s how,” Weiss said, as if it was that easy, “if no one else, you let  _ me _ help. We’ll both be there for each other, and...keep moving forward  _ together _ .”

Ruby saw it. Saw Weiss lifting some of the weight off of her shoulders. Saw her carrying it with Ruby. Forever and Forward. Shoulder-to-shoulder.

She didn’t know why she asked it. All she knew was that, for the first time since the Battle of Haven, her heart stopped quaking, and was calm and vulnerable all at once. All she knew, was that the words slipped out, all on their own, in the way these things often did, “Why are you doing this?”

Weiss hands were soft, delicate things. “You know why,” Weiss began, shaking her head. Her glyph pulsed softly off to the side, warding off the darkness of midnight just like Weiss warded off the darkness around Ruby, “Everything you feel for me, I feel for you too. You’d do the same for me.”

The light caught on Weiss’s hair again, and Ruby felt her heart speed up in a Weird sort of way. Both scary and calming. Ruby’s hands slipped, and without a thought moved from bracing Weiss’s shoulders to resting around her neck, fingers curling in the hair at the back of her head.

And she realized - she was in Love.

Anxiety, like a livewire, because holy-  _ holy  _ **_crap_ ** . She- she didn’t even know how to  _ begin _ to process that, not even a  _ little _ bit. Future Ruby problem,  _ definitely _ a Future Ruby problem!

What came out of her mouth was vulnerable and frayed, just like how she suddenly found her nerves, “I...I’m not sure that you do,” because it was  _ impossible.  _

But then, Weiss crooked her head to the side again, and that tiny, enigmatic little smile curled her lips again. The same smile she made when someone underestimated her. 

They could have entire conversations sometimes, without words. Messages passed back and forth by microexpressions and soft looks. 

_ “You can’t feel this way, too, right?” _ Ruby seemed to ask, eyes wide and lips slightly parted, something like awe written on her face.

To which Weiss replied simply with a softening of her eyes, “ _ You already know the answer to that, don’t you?” _

Maybe this  _ wasn’t _ a Future Ruby problem, after all.

In their lives, so heavily affected by conspiracy and violence, this, at least, was blessedly simple.

It was almost without a thought that Ruby tugged Weiss down, finding Weiss completing the motion by herself. They met in the middle, on a cheap couch in the livingroom of a safehouse in Mistral.

And they kissed.

There was no fireworks. No triumphant musical sting, nor a score playing a slow, hopeful melody. There was no dramatic camera work or flashing effects to punctuate it. Just the gentle, profound feeling of Weiss’s lips against her own and the tight fluttering deep within her chest, like a hummingbird was dancing in her heart.

The only fireworks came from the way Weiss’s glyph pulsed brightly when their lips met. The only music came from their hearts beating in sync. The only dramatic flare came from the faintest hint of mint on Weiss’s lips from her toothpaste.

But it was still just...perfect.

And when the memories came back, when Ruby saw Weiss lying cold on Haven’s floor, saw Cinder’s sneer and heard Salem’s voice ringing in her ears, Ruby met them with  _ fire _ . They would  _ not _ steal this from her, and she would  _ not _ take it from Weiss.

They needed this.

They  _ deserved _ this.

They  _ both _ did. Weiss did, and maybe...maybe Ruby did too.

Three days now, after their Triumph at Haven, and for the first time Ruby felt like she had actually  _ won _ .

But, just as a dream fades back to reality, their lungs began to burn. Ruby broke first. Weiss was a singer, and she had the lungs to match, definitely. 

Weiss kept her eyes closed for a moment longer, her lips slightly parted and just a little swollen. So close, Ruby could see every detail of Weiss's face. Every pore, every imperfection and irregularity. Yet all of it...beautiful. Perfect. Because it was Weiss.

A breath slipped through her lips, and Ruby watched as Weiss’s pretty,  _ pretty _ blue eyes slid open again. For a second, she just looked into Weiss’s eyes. This close, she felt like she could see everything. There was something profound there, behind them. An emotion Ruby at once immediately understood and could not believe was being directed at her.

But there it was, the exact same emotion Ruby felt boiling over within herself reflected back in Weiss’s eyes.  _ Value _ . And maybe even  _ love _ , too. And never, ever in her life had she felt as  _ important _ as she had in that moment. As if, for the first time, she  _ mattered _ . Because if Weiss felt even one  _ tenth _ the joy Ruby felt right now, then she was more precious than her weight in gold.

After several long moments, Weiss glanced away. Even in the dimly lit room, Ruby could see Weiss’s cheeks color like her cloak. In one motion, she closed the distance again, this time to bury her face in Ruby’s shoulder, “Oh,  _ brothers _ , I-I can’t believe we just did that.”

It was like magic to Ruby, a feeling she’d never forget as long as she’d live. Still, seeing Weiss so embarrassed made her embarrassed too, and she felt her own face beginning to steam, “I-uh, I mean, was it...okay?” She’d seemed into it, but now Ruby found herself doubting. She’d never kissed someone before, had Weiss? Was she not...up to par? Was there even a par for this kind of thing?

Why was she comparing kissing to golf anyways? She hated golf!

Her worries were dashed when Weiss laughed into her neck, a delirious, breathy sort of thing that made Ruby’s stomach do a summersault as she felt it on her skin. “It was  _ wonderful… _ ” she said, and Ruby felt her face pull into a wide,  _ real _ smile. Her throat was sore and her cheeks felt crusty and gross from the dried tears, but it was  _ real _ . 

And when Weiss settled down on her again, her weight pressing down on Ruby’s body comfortably and their legs tangling together, Ruby wrapped her arms around Weiss’s shoulders and let herself believe that all of this, this whole situation, was  _ real _ too.

Weiss was...warm. Everyone at Beacon had called her ‘Ice Queen’, had she always been this warm? Ruby thought she had. She was so very warm and alive. Weiss was safe...she was  _ safety _ . 

They didn’t say anything else. For a time that could have been minutes or could have been hours or could have been years, they just basked in each other’s presence. Two halves of the same coin, the Perfect Pair.

But...responsibility came looming once again. Even with the little sanctuary Weiss had made in the darkness that they had together filled with warmth, the darkness was still  _ there _ , waiting. They would need to get up eventually (as much as Ruby wanted to stay right here holding her partner forever) and fight their fight again. Ruby sighed, but this time it wasn’t frustrated, or painful. Just a little weary. Her shoulders sagged, “We...we can’t have this, can we?”

Weiss matched her sigh, but pressed even closer, somehow. “...No, I don’t think we can.” She shook her head. “I want...I want to do this properly. With everything going on…”

That idea struck a chord in her. Suddenly, a vision of the future blew through her head like a hurricane. This was all so new to Ruby, she’d never had the chance to imagine what - dare she even think it -  _ dating _ Weiss would be like. She thought about taking her back home, actually getting to introduce her to Dad and...maybe Mom too. Showing Weiss all her favourite places on Patch, going out on dinner-dates, watching movies together and holding hands when they walked around. She thought about mundane things, like grocery shopping together, bickering about things that didn’t matter, laughing at silly internet videos, sharing a bed at night, kissing even  _ more- _

It was Good. It was Right.

And it was something they couldn’t have with Salem at their heels. 

Not while Cinder might still be hunting them, or the White Fang still lingered, or the relics and the maidens were still in danger. Not while they were racing from kingdom to kingdom, battle to battle. Not while the fate of their world was still at stake.

It hurt to think. It didn’t break her heart, but it did crack it, just a little. She didn’t want their...relationship to come into being overshadowed by Salem’s war. “I do too,” she began, but she hugged Weiss a little tighter, “I really,  _ really _ want to have this, but…” but she wanted it to be  _ important _ , the most important thing in her life. It was something Ruby wanted to care for and nurture and devote all her attention to.

She couldn’t do that while she was still the Leader. Not how she wanted to.

The idea was too complex to put into words. Ruby tried, she really did, but they just wouldn’t come. Weiss nodded, though, and Ruby remembered that she didn’t always need to explain everything. Sometimes, Weiss just figured it out herself, “I understand what you mean. I don’t want... _ Us _ ...to have to be secondary to anything else.”

The way Weiss said the word, ‘Us’, sounded like a song to Ruby, like something sung by an angel. It made her want to cry again, but not like before. Not in despair, but...because it was Beautiful.

“What about...after?” Ruby asked, even though she thought she already knew the answer-- even though she  _ hoped _ she already knew the answer. “When all this is over and Salem is gone and things calm down, would you…”

Weiss leaned back, making a few inches of distance so she could look Ruby in the eye, “Would I what?”

Weiss's hair - that  _ damn _ hair - caught the light again like a river of quicksilver and moonlight, and Ruby’s mind ground to a halt and she forgot what she’d been about to say. It’d been honest, heartfelt and real, she knew, and in her attempt to mimic it, what came out of her mouth was, “Uh, ah, um...Would you...ah, I dunno...Wanna go see a movie or- or something?” 

She was so  _ lame _ .

Weiss laughed though, lightly, and her eyes slipped closed with it. Her head fell closer and for a second Ruby thought she was about to kiss her again. Instead, Weiss rested her forehead against Ruby’s, their noses just barely touching,and she  _ laughed _ . Every contact felt like electricity, and Ruby found her eyes unblinking, wide as saucers staring up at Weiss so she would never forget even one  _ second  _ of this feeling. It was like drinking pure, crystal-clear spring water. Something bubbled and boiled over in Ruby’s chest, and she was in Love.

After a minute of shoulder-quaking laughter, Weiss breathed out, “After all of this is over...yes. That sounds lovely.”

It was silly, Ruby knew. Of  _ course _ it was silly. A movie date was something you asked a high-school crush out on. She was only seventeen, but with the things she’d seen - the things she’d  _ done _ \- she felt so much older than that sometimes, and so much younger than that at others. It was silly, but so what? That didn’t matter, what mattered is that Weiss had said  _ yes _ . 

She was still allowed to be silly sometimes, right?

She was allowed to be serious too though, and even with as silly as it was, Ruby treasured it. Because it wasn’t just a movie date. 

It was Hope.

Ruby found her fingers again tightening against Weiss’s nightgown, wary of how the cloth seemed to creak under her fingers. She pulled Weiss down against her again, felt her rest her head against Ruby’s collar. 

Suddenly, the whole world felt heavier again. Just as heavy as it had been this morning. Just as heavy as it had been a week ago. Just as heavy as it had been when Ruby ran from her and Blake’s room with tears in her eyes. Just as heavy as it was when it was  _ crushing _ her. 

Nothing Weiss did made Ruby’s responsibilities any lighter.

But after everything, Weiss had instead made Ruby feel  _ stronger _ .

Weiss felt it too. Ruby felt her press closer, felt the arms that had moved around her neck tighten just a bit.

“Ruby,” her voice surprised her, a strangely desperate tone to it, “You...if we are going to do this - Salem, I mean - you can’t…” she seemed to reconsider her words, sucking in a breath that cooled the skin on Ruby’s collarbones, “Please, promise me that you won’t try and do it all alone? These things can  _ rot _ you, and I don't...just, promise me that you’ll  _ talk to me _ about these things in the future?”

A phantom stood in the corner of the room, looming just outside their sphere of light, her white cloak a memory that always lingered.

A part of Ruby still recoiled from the idea of forcing her problems onto Weiss, but...she began to understand that maybe Weiss was just as worried about her as she was about Weiss. 

And maybe she was right. Maybe, if they were going to beat Salem, she needed to rely on Weiss just like Weiss relied on her. 

Ruby nodded, slowly, and with a breath, she said, “Weiss, I...we are going to get through this. I won't let it get this bad again, I promise.” She meant it. She’d lied far,  _ far _ too much recently, and it felt good to say that and mean it.

Weiss seemed to accept the answer.

The silence of the room lingered comfortably as they held each other in the way they very likely would not get a chance to do again for some time. Eventually, Weiss sighed, and pulled back, and they disentangled themselves.

Weiss sat up, and so did Ruby. Their night together seemed to draw itself to an end, finally, but...there was something else. Something left unsaid, that had been eating at Ruby’s mind for the past half-hour. Weiss didn’t seem particularly excited about returning to her bed alone, and Ruby didn’t either. The memory of how warm Weiss was against her chest lingered at the front of her mind, how unreasonably comfortable it had felt when Ruby had always anticipated being that close to someone would be awkward. The idea of falling asleep like that, in each other’s arms, sounded...really, really good.

One day.

But, that was the crux of the issue in Ruby’s mind. It was  _ important _ . 

She saw everything. The breadth of their responsibilities and the dangers they faced because of them. She saw that phantom in the corner of the room. She saw Weiss on the floor of Haven again, so vivid the memory, but this time there wasn’t so much grief. Instead, there was something else, something  _ new _ .

It was softer, calmer, but somber.

“Weiss,” she said as her partner adjusted her nightgown on her shoulders. Weiss perked up, turning to face Ruby again, her face curious and dried tears still visible under her eyes.

“Hmm?” she hummed quietly, hesitant at how odd Ruby’s tone probably was.

“I just…” her tongue felt thick and clumsy, the words were too-hard to say. Too sensitive, too important. “I want us to get a chance to- I won’t-” Her throat closed, and she shook her head, forcing the words out, “I won’t let this break me again. I’m going to let you help me because...because I don’t  _ just  _ want the World to be safe from Salem.”

Weiss seemed to realize how important whatever-this-is was to Ruby. She crossed her legs up onto the couch and turned to face Ruby directly. Her head quirked in that weird way Ruby began to think Weiss had picked up from her, “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been so,” Ruby balled her hands between them, “ _ focused _ on defeating Salem and keeping you all safe, I’ve been letting it crush me, and I just thought that was my Job, you know? That I was supposed to do whatever it took to make sure we won and you guys stayed safe, even if that meant sacrificing...myself.”

_ She turned away from their home, walking out towards the car that would take her far away. Her weapon was in-hand, her shoulders were back. She was noble, she was strong, she was  _ **_brave_ ** _. _

_ She was The Hero. _

_ And she would break every promise she made to her family, for just a chance to keep them safe.  _

Weiss’s eyes softened, and she whispered a simple but clear, “Oh, Ruby...”

But that was fine. Even if she didn’t like it, Ruby let Weiss worry about her. “But now I- I don’t...I want us to have a  _ chance _ , Weiss. To explore-“ she waved her hand back and forth at the space between them, “- _ Us _ , I want Us to have a chance. I don’t want either of us to get through this without…” it made her eyes sting just to  _ think _ it, let alone say it, “...Without the other. Both me without you, and...you without me, too.”   
  
Because somehow, some way, for some reason, Weiss had decided that Ruby was important to her too. Important enough to break her rules on touching for. Important enough to  _ kiss _ . Somehow.

Something glimmered in Weiss eyes, tears pooling, but Ruby didn’t let them deter her. She felt her own prick too, and they’d already cried too much tonight, but a little more wouldn’t hurt. She needed to say this.

“So, I just,” her voice wavered, so she shook her head, forcing everything out that wasn’t conviction, that wasn’t  _ strong _ . She focused on that fluttering feeling deep in her chest,  _ love _ , that she felt for her partner, and drew upon it the same way she drew upon her Semblance. When she spoke again, it was hard and somber, but it was  _ true _ , and she put her soul into it, “I promise that, no matter what happens, no matter what tries to stop us, I’ll be here until our story is done...”

_ She knelt down, the bright sunlight no longer obscuring her face. It was clear and bright with a smile under her hood. The birdsong flitting through the trees surrounding their home. Summer’s silver eyes shined with warmth as she reached out each hand, one ruffling Yang’s hair roughly in the way that always made Yang giggle and the other caressing Ruby’s cheek. “I love you both,” she had said, turning to the older of her daughters, “My little dragon,” she kissed Yang’s forehead before turning to her younger one. _

_ The excitable six-year-old beat her to the punch. “But mama, you  _ said _ we’d finish the storybook tonight! Why do you have to go?” Ruby had whined, using her best pout. _

_ “Don’t worry, my little rose,” she said in her safe, warm voice, “I’ll be home soon, I promise.” It convinced Ruby to give up her pout: mama never lied. She’d been too young to notice the way Summer’s eyes had flicked up to meet Taiyang’s, too young to notice the worry hidden behind them. She added, “I swear, everything will be okay,” though Ruby hadn’t known why. _

_ They never finished that storybook. A month later, Yang had tried to read it to her. Ruby had asked Yang to read a different one. Had said she’d wait for mama to come home to read that one. Yang had cried. So had Ruby, but she knew Summer would come home. She wouldn’t have lied to her. _

Her hands shook, but she forced the words out, finding Weiss’s hands and holding them between her own. Weiss’s hands were shaking too, but they were warm and delicate and strong and  _ Weiss’s _ . “...We’ll break down every door, we’ll find a way to beat Cinder and Salem and  _ anyone else _ .” She felt tears begin to roll down her face again, but she didn't let them stop her. One last hurdle, one last promise. For her Partner. “No matter how long this takes or how hard it is, I’ll be standing  _ right here. _ ”

_ Summer had lied. She’d lied to her. She wasn’t coming home. She’d  _ **_never_ ** _ come back home. _

_ She’d been The Hero. She’d done what she was supposed to do, she’d gone alone unto the maw of the beast and sacrificed  _ **_everything_ ** _ for a chance at a safer world for her children. For the people she loved.  _

_ But in doing so, she’d abandoned the people who needed her. She’d left them alone to fight this battle in her stead. She’d died as The Hero. _

_ Ruby will n _ ot die as The Leader.

She will not do what Summer did.

She won’t do that to Yang, or Dad, or Uncle Qrow, or Blake, or  _ anyone else _ .

And she will not-- will  **not** do that to Weiss.

She will  **_not_ ** **break her promise** .

**She. Will. Not. Be. Her. Mother.**

And when she spoke that final sentence, it resonated like the chords of a song, deep in her chest. She clutched Weiss’s hands between her own, leaned forward, and looked up directly into those perfect, beautiful blue eyes, and made her vow.

“I promise, I’ll be here  _ until the end. _ ”

**0000000000**

The hallway seemed weird and strange as they walked down it. Ruby didn’t quite get it, but she chalked that up to how raw she felt. She’d said...a lot of things to Weiss over the past hour. She’d meant every one of them, beginning to end, but still.

She felt very, very vulnerable.

Weiss Knew. She knew Ruby now, better than anyone else. Knew many of her insecurities, her fears, how they seemed like they were always just seconds away from crushing her. Weiss had managed to coax Ruby into doing the very thing she was most afraid to do: put down the badge and the burden she carried with her every day. She had let Weiss see her, not as their team’s happy-go-lucky leader, but instead as, well, as Ruby. As just Ruby.

It was scary - terrifying even - to know that someone else Knew. 

But Weiss…

She hadn’t frowned, hadn’t pushed Ruby away or demanded she be better.

She just wanted to help. To be there for Ruby and lighten some of her burden.

And now, Weiss’s shoulder bumped into her own - accidentally, surely - and they stood in the dark gateway of the hall that led back to their separate bedrooms.

Ruby didn’t know why they stopped, but they did. Looking into the deep, dark cavern that was the hallway as if it were the depths of hell they were walking into.

The air felt cold, a far-cry from the stuffy, miserable humidity Ruby had left the bedroom feeling. But then, she felt Weiss’s hand find hers, and her heart jumped. It was almost without ceremony that their fingers intertwined, and they took a step forward into that darkness, shoulder to shoulder.

And suddenly, Ruby was warm again.

A shudder ran through her, the memory of their shared tears, but that was okay. She wasn’t happy about it, but she’d promised Weiss that she would let herself feel the way she felt.

It was okay to not be okay, because Weiss would help her move forward. And in turn, Weiss would let Ruby help her as well.

And in that moment as they stopped before the two doors that would separate them for the night, Ruby saw years of her life in front of her.

Fighting, troubles, conflict, yes. That was all there. Their war with Salem, whatever awaited them in Atlas, who-knows-how-many other problems that were no doubt waiting in their future.

And within herself, too, there were yet more mountains to climb. Memories she still had to face, problems she still had to address. You can’t solve these things in a single night, in a single conversation. Ruby hadn’t even  _ begun  _ talking about her Mother, and the terrifying mix of love, longing, resentment, and blame that still boiled and burned every time she remembered Summer Rose. There were still so many of Weiss’s memories she hadn’t shared, too, and Ruby understood now that there was a lot she still didn’t understand about her Partner. Issues Weiss no doubt harbored deep within her, that she’d never had the courage or gotten the chance to share and heal from.

But that was okay too.

Because, against all of the odds, they had  _ time _ . They had a  _ future _ . 

No matter what came, no matter what stood in their path, no matter what they had to do…

They would get through it.

Together.

_ Until the end _ .

Ruby hesitated at the door, looking down at the knob and feeling as if it was her greatest challenge of the night. She realized after a second that Weiss also wasn’t moving. Peering to her right, she found those gorgeous blue eyes fixed on her.

Weiss’s eyes darted away, her cheeks coloring in the dim light at being caught staring, and all at once many of Ruby’s aches and pains dulled in favor of pulling her lips up in a fond smile.

It hurt to think, but Ruby had become frighteningly used to hiding her expressions. It took a measure of courage not to hide this one when Weiss looked back at her. The embarrassment in Weiss’s eyes doubled, but her face softened with it. “Don’t…” she whispered, wary of how close they were to their sleeping teammates, “...don’t look at me like that, Ruby,” 

Why would she ever  _ not _ look at Weiss like this? 

“Why?” was all she could find to say back, knowing her expression hadn’t changed.

“Because we said we’d wait,” Weiss explained, softly, and her free hand found Ruby’s free hand, both sets now entwined like their lives, “but when you look at me like that,” her eyes slipped closed and a sigh passed her lips, but try as she might, even  _ Weiss _ couldn’t make it sound annoyed, “I  _ really _ don’t want to.”

A warmth bloomed deep in Ruby’s chest, spreading down her arms to her fingers-- which already tingled with electricity from Weiss’s hands. She didn’t want to wait either, and her separate bed suddenly seemed cold and lonely. They needed to, she knew that. Neither of them wanted this to be something furtive, explored in quiet moments slipped in between battles and journeys. They wanted to give it time and attention, nurture it into the beautiful  _ something _ they knew they could be, together.

But the temptation was still there, stronger than anything Ruby had ever felt. He fingers tightened in Weiss’s, but she couldn’t find it in her to feel at all bad about the situation. What a wonderful problem to have. “I know, trust me, heh…” she laughed, maybe a bit lamely but she wasn’t exactly in the most quick-witted of moods. There was so  _ much _ emotion boiling away in her, she hadn’t the slightest chance at putting it into words. She could scarcely  _ think _ it, let alone speak it..

But Weiss seemed to understand anyway. Seemed to know all the things Ruby didn’t know how to say. Even so, Ruby found herself adding with a note of melancholy, “I wish things were different.”

She was surprised when Weiss smiled. A bright, true thing that Ruby would go to the ends of Remnant to see. She promised, “It doesn’t have to be, we’ll find a way with what we have.  _ This  _ life is  _ ours _ to live.”

And somehow, Ruby believed her.

Something giddy sparked in Ruby’s chest. Like a livewire, like a hummingbird, like something she didn’t have a word for. 

Salem was waiting, but behind her, beyond her, was a future. A future Ruby  _ would _ have.

There was no ‘Live free or die’, there was no qualification that Ruby would ‘give everything she had, win or lose’. 

She would just  _ win _ .

They would need a miracle, certainly. So many things were against them, so powerful were their enemies, but for now, until that miracle materialized? They would stand and  _ fight. _ And if, when the time came, no miracle rose up to their rescue, then Ruby would wrench it into being with her own two hands.

Because she wanted this, as she tightened her hands in Weiss’s. Because she  _ would have this _ .

And right now, she felt like she could touch the sky.

Her eyes darted down, catching a movement as Weiss’s tongue peeked out from behind her lips, a nervous energy buzzing away between them.

Almost without meaning to, Ruby whispered, “...One more time?” Even she could hear the excitement in her own voice, so she offered a half shrug to try and make it seem more casual.

It didn’t work, but Weiss played along, “Purely to tide us over, of course.”

Ruby nodded eagerly, taking the excuse at face value, “Definitely, just a quick little...top-off...”

They ran out of words, but that was fine. 

The clock ticked over into 4am, and they leaned into each other.

And they kissed again, one more time.

Ruby knew, it would  _ not _ be their last, and from the way Weiss leaned into her, lips working against her own, she knew it too.

It was quiet, electric, and short-lived. It happened and was done in under fifteen seconds, and Ruby giggled like a schoolgirl when they parted. Weiss looked at her like she was a dork.

But that was fine, because it wasn’t just a kiss.

Because before, yesterday, the day before, a year ago, Ruby had still been willing to give everything for the greater good. Fight with everything she had,  _ sacrifice _ everything she had, for the sake of a better world. Even if she lost, she would fight for every  _ inch _ . She’d always, for as long as she remembered, had something in her life worth dying for.

But now?

Now, she had something worth  _ living _ for.

Salem had near-infinite power, near-infinite reach. What  _ possibly _ could they have that could match that? Defeat that?

Resolve.

Resolve that they would win, that they would survive for each other. Resolve within and between Ruby and Weiss that they would have a future together, a chance to explore the budding feelings growing between them

They  _ will _ defeat Salem, they  _ will _ have their peace.

_ Resolve _ , and with it they  _ will  _ succeed.

Because there, together, shoulder-to-shoulder and with resolve and hope that was matched only by their partner-

- **_They were_ ** **_Indomitable._ **

**0000000000**

Weiss would question it, what she saw just before she went to sleep that night. Surely, it must have been a trick of the scant moonlight. A reflection, or a glare, certainly.

Because for one instant, in the moment after they kissed, she could have sworn she saw Ruby’s silver eyes... _ glow _ .

**0000000000**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “This was supposed to be short,” welp, 92 pages later and it’s actually done. I think I’m very happy with how this turned out, to the point I’m kinda nervous to publish it. Don’t forget to leave a comment, I’ve got another short in the works right now in the same continuity and a few other projects besides, and you lovely people’s reviews are what keeps me writing!
> 
> Really hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Until next time!
> 
> -Order

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story that I’ve actually, ya know, published in forever. Ever since I decided to take a break from DFU (I realized one day I was using all of the creativity I had head-writing the same scenes in that story over and over, and hadn’t thought of anything new in almost two years), I’ve been zipping from project to project all over the place. Writing oneshots and short stories like this one halfway before another flight of fancy took my attention. I’ll get back to that fic eventually, but I wanna make some new things first. This is the first of those I’ve actually finished!
> 
> Also, that flashback to Mantle's docks was taken straight from the RWBY DC comic. Those are *fantastic*. If you haven't read them, they're well worth the read!
> 
> This fic is going to be three chapters long. The next chapter is already completed and the third I will (hopefully) have completed in two week’s time. Chapter two is coming out next week, same day (September 5, 2020 if you’ve stumbled on this fic at some point in the future), and chapter 3 the Saturday after that!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, don’t forget to leave a review if you did! I’d love to hear what you thought about it!


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